Writing: general topics journal

"If you're scared to die, you better not be scared to live."  - the Eels

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     The medical industry wants all of us, and all our money to believe that they are our savior- and we in turn want them to fix everything instantly.  We are creating a god complex through chemistry.  It almost sounds like I am working a conspiracy theory, but I am really spot-lighting an ever growing trend.  And I have to say that I am both frustrated with the way our society treats mental illness, and the way that far too many people use a diagnosis as an excuse for their choices in life.  Every behavior is now diagnosed, and most of those deemed “not normal” are being medicated by a very powerful pharmacology industry, with some very powerful chemicals.  But is it too much?  What is normal?  Who needs to be labeled, and what is that doing to our sense of responsibility?  The former nerds are now labeled with Aspergers, those that were irritable are Bipolar, kids who could not be calm -are now ADD.  Some rightfully so, and many simply labeled in order to be (hopefully) medicated into normal behaviors that are determined by another person.  Too many pills and no real solutions.  I have to pause and ask:  If a pill makes you feel happy, are you really happy?  Or does that even matter anymore? 

     The answer will rarely be a magic pill, or a white knight in a lab coat.  Those are the exceptions, not the standard.  The exceptions are the cases of the true mentally ill individuals that need something or someone to step in before things get bad and they show up at a rally, or a job, or a fast food place with a sack of guns.  Before they wipe out a family under the delusion of “saving” them.  Before the cult pressures them into swallowing a cup of cyanide kool aid to greet their alien god in heaven.  That is when medication and intervention can be a positive tool, but that is not where the large sums of money lie.  And money seems to be what drives everything these days.

     At the time of writing this journal, I have now been working in mental health for 15 years.  And I preach one truth:  Medication and therapy are tools- tools that do work.  But if you are waiting for a pill or a person to save you- you will be waiting the rest of your life.

     I grew up in the fantasy world of comics, it was something I did every weekend with my father.  On Fridays after getting picked up at school, we would stop at World Wide News in downtown Rochester and pick up a stack of books at a cut-rate discount.  My dad had an in everywhere he went, he was "that" guy.  I would spend the weekend at his apartment and in between golfing, bowling, and visiting relatives- I would be reading comics non-stop.  The world of Marvel and DC in the 70's was very real for me, there is a reason why they are called "universes".  For non-comics fans you have no idea how immersive it is- but for fans, it is a deeply alternative reality. I read them at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I read them at the synagogue, in the car, and at night.  Every weekend I seemed to lug home more and more.  How my dad started me on this, I barely remember- but I am glad he did.  There was a certain moral compass involved that kept me grounded.

     I desperately craved to be Batman, but always ended up as Spiderman.  Batman was the detective.  He was intelligent, street smart, people smart, and book smart- always a step ahead of everyone.  He was wealthy, a playboy, and strong enough to fight anything without the superpowers.  Spiderman was always tripping over himself.  He started out as an outsider looking in, watching the athletes win while he scraped by as a nerd (being that he was a character originating in the 60's -this was the term).  Spiderman was smart, but it was a book smart- not a street smart, and most definitely not a people smart.  Spiderman was a fragile and flawed hero; his self esteem never seemed to see any victory, no matter how many he saved from peril.  Batman has his flaws, but the flaw of being unable to stop his parents from being killed as a child drove him on- made him better.  Spiderman’s flaws always got in the way of his life. 

     Batman always found a way to swing in with support both as Bruce Wayne and Batman.  He helped those in peril, be it financial or criminal.  A captain of industry and a caped crusader fighting injustice- Batman had power on both sides of the coin.  Spiderman strived to be a savior as a hero, but was branded a criminal for hiding his face- and out of costume he continually struggled as a person.  He scraped by financially, and personally.  In one fight with a villain a chimney crumbles and falls to the street below killing the father of his love interest.  For years after that Spiderman is called out as a murderer in the media, hounded no matter how many villains he defeats.  In trying to save the city, he ends up harming himself again and again.  Batman had his struggles, but he seemed invincible.  There was always a trick in there, even when he became addicted to the drug venom, which would be similar to steroids (if steroids were on steroids that is).  A reader just knew that Batman would overcome it- and not through rehab- just through pure will.  That's how Batman worked, he won by pure will.  Spiderman seemed to always drag his luggage with him, struggling with who he was and what he wanted.  Each relationship haunted him, each failure stayed with him- and the phrase with great power comes great responsibility was coined- even if he could never really live up to it.   

      Back story (without getting too specifically nerdy):

     This past year an icon of the Marvel Universe of comics, Captain America was killed.  My first reaction was similar to when Superman died a decade earlier.  Shock, and then the thought of it being a commercial ploy to boost sales.  When I read the storyline, I was honestly deeply emotionally moved- I did not expect that.   As I have written before, I grew up with these heroic comic icons.  Not in the spandex heroic pose hands on hips way, but as true flawed characters.  I also grew up solely in the Marvel universe of characters- with Captain America.  He had many similar personality traits as DC’s Superman.  He was considered a boy scout, outdated, left behind by the new modern hero- a throwback to the way things were.  The modern hero was violent, sometimes side-stepped the law- overflowing with a sort of life-scarred teen angst.  Captain America did not have that broken element, no matter how many terrible events he witnessed and fought.  He was there in World War II fighting the Nazi’s, he was the soldier chosen to be experimented on with super serum, he watched his first teen side-kick Bucky die trying to disarm a missile, he was there to see the atrocities of the Holocaust, he was frozen and lost for decades, and he had villain after villain out to destroy him once a month…but still he persevered for the greater good.

     In 2007, Marvel embarked on an all-universe encompassing story entitled “Civil War”.  In recent years there has been a crossing over from the comic universe to our reality.  Heroes have more and more life issues, and stories sometimes take on the point of view of the everyday person. In other words, like every other form of art- comics changed and intellectually grew up. Today, a regular person without superhuman qualities  acts as a witness to the battles of the “gods” that rampage through their living spaces.  The heroes in “Civil War” make an epic mistake that kills hundreds of everyday people.  What follows is a political/social  shift that forces (by law) superheroes to register with the government.  The government joins forces with what can only be viewed as industry (Tony Stark aka: Iron Man) to enforce the new laws and practices.  The split (indicated in the storylines title: Civil War) begins with  heroes worrying that their legacy of always hiding their identity in order to maintain some sane private life will be lost, along with their freedom.  The division of heroes created the battle of the ages for Marvel, and forever changed the future of Marvel comics.  One of those changes was the assassination of Captain America, who fought against the registration.  Captain America held a special place for me.  He represented my father's era (World War II), and he represented the best of the comic book hero.  Always fighting for justice, and always fighting for the good of mankind- without ever being pretentious. 

     “When a country falls into chaos, Patriotism is born” (Lao-Tzu).  This is not a matter of French Fries becoming “Freedom fries”.  This is not about patriotism and a loss of the great-american-icon-eagle-flag-9/11 propaganda garbage.  This is really about the end of a generation.  That end also parallels our modern era in signaling the death of America (patriotism, naïve nationalism, national pride…).  The “registration act” parallels our current fear of immigration and terrorism.  It echoes the assassination of freedom, of the hero standing against the wave of fear, the government enforcement of unjust laws and practices,  the constant underground warfare with those in power, and the constant drum of fear in the form of spies and perceived terror.  Misinformation and manipulation are abundant in the story arc, with constant forms of denial in regards to the loss of freedom and the promise of a new world order.  I was left saddened not just once for the loss of the fictional iconic hero, but again for the loss of the real ideals trashed in the wake of the past 10 years in our real world.  And ultimately, this reminds me that I miss my father.  I have written numerous times that in our dark age we need a true hero.  Not one to be followed blindly, just one to be trusted, and one to usher the next generation to the higher calling of serving mankind. We do need a real person, but one with the heart of Captain America.

“My memory may stammer, but my soul is a witness.” -James Baldwin

     Like many other people, I find myself desperate for someone real in a world of cardboard heroes.  America is full of charlatans performing in order to bilk the masses out of a dollar, dancing on stage when the wind blows right.  The real heroes fight not for the dollar, but for the greater good- and it doesn’t matter which way the wind blows.  But the greater good is not getting the headline; the dancing has been stealing the show.  

     Our politicians lie and deceive us.  They ignore the lessons of history and force us down the same roads of disaster.  Iraq is Vietnam all over again.  Complete with the lies focused on “ending terrorism” akin to “halting the spread of communism”.  We are told to fear terrorist cells among us, just as we were told to expose communists among us and create blacklists in the 1950’s.  It is the politics of fear, not the politics to aid the people.  False “keeping it real” celebrities and entertainers are placed out there in our mass media culture as icons offering nothing positive for a community- they are simple cardboard stereotypes dancing on a string. 

     Paris Hilton found god and community service in jail, following up with an exit interview on Larry King claiming to have never used drugs- yet she was caught in the act days later.  Her community service (as of today) continues to be club hopping and making pedophile inspired clothing for children.  As a member of a community, I am grateful for her profound contributions.  50 Cent (the former crack dealer) will challenge anyone black that he perceives as not keeping it real (Oprah and Kanye West), but he won’t criticize white George Bush for leaving whole communities for dead in the wake of Katrina.  He told critics to back off of the "man".  To me “keeping it real” does not entail doing a jig for the man. 

     We are unwilling witnesses as those who can (and should) speak out sit on their hands with their mouths shut, but then are offered praise for the easy situations.  Michael Irvin said nothing as Rush Limbaugh (sitting right next to him) suggested that Donovan McNabb was only the QB in Philadelphia because he was black . But he is roundly praised for his generic and teary “don’t give up hope” Hall of Fame acceptance speech.  At the Katrina disaster benefit, Mike Myers had a look on his face as if someone had just electrocuted his pet when Kanye West made the gutsy statement that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people”.   Even though I am no fan,  that was heroic stand for convictions in statement.  Maybe Mike was thinking about his next box office results?  Even if Kanye is a dink, that was gutsy.

     But we criticize those who dare to lose it all when they get “uppity”.  Kanye was emphatically denounced as being inappropriate with his timing of this during a benefit.  I am pretty sure that the tens of thousands languishing in New Orleans did not mind his timing.  As was Georgia Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney as she spoke out early against the election fraud in the South during the 2000 and 2004 elections, as well as the war in Iraq.  She could only try to fight the tidal wave of republican dollars that swept in and defrauded the voters in her districts forcing her out of office. *Google her images and see how many blatant racist images you find from her critics.  

      Having been there myself, I realize how hard it is to speak out when your livelihood hangs in the balance.  You know something is wrong, but the flash of family, homelessness, and retirement income flashes across your consciousness like a bolt of lightning. You have to speak up, but that lump in your throat may just be next week’s grocery bill.   It depends on willingly swallowing hard, or having a big mouth to let it out.  Either road has sacrifice.  Dancing for the dollar is a trade with the devil.  You get the paycheck, but you sell your soul.

     What is it about the times that we are living in that so many of our leaders have lost their souls?  If everyone leading has their eye on the dollar, who stops us from going over the cliff?  This is all smelling like universal financial slavery.  It’s not a new idea that I write about, but it is truth.  The time has come for not a few, but many of us to rise up and seek out.   Standing up in the face of adversity is the greatest character trait that I can identify.  Who will be hope personified in our modern world?  And more importantly, how will we support them?  Or have the dollar and the devil already won the war?

      I grew up reading superhero comics. When I was a kid, I believed in heroes (I still do), but times are making it harder. That “hero” was not someone who couldn’t make mistakes- because they always did. They were not perfect. But they did not do things that ever called into question their base character. The heroes that I read about were not boy scouts, they had their flaws- but all fought to raise themselves to a higher calling. They battled themselves to always be better people, to do some good in the world.  There were stories of drugs, death, and a world that never appreciated their efforts.  Rarely, did anyone ever give up on a battle that they might win as the masked hero, but were sure to lose as the human being.  Peter Parker (Spiderman) was always the odd man out- a nerd, shunned, and ridiculed.  Bruce Banner (the Hulk) was always on the run in fear of losing control, brute force with no brain.  And Tony Stark (Iron Man) was an alcoholic struggling to keep it a secret.  Some only saw the spandex, I saw the humanity.
     When I was a kid in the 1970’s there was one particular public figure that loomed large as a hero: Muhammad Ali. He was the superhero personified in reality. He lived up to his statement: “I will be a clean and sparkling champion.” He always seemed to be raising the bar for himself in both boxing and character. He never settled for what others told him to be.  I see the recent retrospectives of his life, and I admire him even more. It makes me long for this type of person in today’s world. It leaves me asking: where are the heroes?

     It seems to be that our society is in freefall. We lack true leaders, and we lack true role models.  Those that have stepped forward seem to not just make mistakes, but have glaring character flaws. When they are caught in moral dilemmas, they turn on the public relations machine and start spouting generic slogans before entering rehab programs. And the level of these mistakes goes far beyond the everyday. The mistakes spotlight that their rise hid immaturity, moral faults, or poor ethics. Part of the decline is that we have no more privacy in today’s overwhelming media spotlight, and part of it is that too many of these so-called heroes rise for reasons other than the content of their character. But the times we live in are NOT a valid excuse. More and more athletes depend on chemicals over brains. Politicians depend on large scale donations and favors over humane and sensible decisions. Not that there ever were good politicians, but we can dream can't we?  Musicians choose the corporate contract over the musical content. Hollywood chooses the generic genre done for the umpteenth time with a bankable star over the opportunity to create meaningful dialogue with engaging writing and acting. It is all playing out to a tragic end- powerful Rome also fell when it declined into self-indulgent behavior.

     We wonder why kids are disrespectful, and society is too lazy to vote or get involved…this is why. Why bother if you have been disappointed a hundred times before? Why respect those that do not respect themselves? Why bother with your community if nothing ever changes for those that live there? Why vote only to be let down when you can cheat and win? Why protest working conditions if you’ll find yourself unemployed? Why work hard for minimum wage only to see the profits continue to line the pockets of the rich, or to see outsourcing to another country?  Why trust to only be thrown under a bus by those looking to get ahead?  Why bother believing in someone, when eventually they will fall?
     Ali once said: “Nothing is wrong… but something ain’t right!”  It is time for us all to risk the act of change for the opportunity to make things the way they should be. I have a son, and I want him to have a “clean and sparkling champion” like I did.

      This began as an online correspondence with a friend on the frustration towards the American job market.

Guy Paul:   “I wonder what you think about this theory: I think the US has reached such a state of decline that employers do not even want effective employees. They want people who make them feel good about themselves, attractive people, and people they feel they can dominate. I do think it's gotten that sick, and I think there are several factors contributing. In general, we are virtually powerless compared to even ten years ago, the more invasive the government becomes regarding our privacy, the less identity/individuality we retain. There is a concentrated effort in marketing, entertainment (particularly reality shows) and even the trickle down effect of the Bush Doctrine influencing our perception of what it means to be successful. This is no longer a country of good work ethics, intelligence and decency. Now, it's about stepping on whoever you can to get to the top ("Survivor", invasion of Iraq, hostile takeovers, smear campaigning) with nary a care in the world for how you got there. My point is that there are consequences on all levels to this heartless, selfish fixation on power. To play the game, you present yourself as someone who gives someone else more power by either sucking up or being attractive enough that they feel their power is enhanced by controlling you (until you can stab them in the back and get your own power and do the same thing to someone else).

My Response:  You are spot on by calling it “sick”, I have recently had so many experiences that left me scratching my head. They don't want quality- they want control, and they definitely do not want to pay for it. [ In the past month I have had a possible employer suggest that I would be regularly working at least 12 hours of overtime without pay, and have the “bonus” of using 3 hours of flex time to make up for it- even saying "you would get to leave at 2 o'clock on Friday's!".  This same employer greeted me (before I even sat down) with a ridiculously low poverty-level salary that was “100% non-negotiable”.  In a previous position I discussed having child responsibilities.  The employer espoused how they are a “family friendly” organization, and it would always be “family first”.  Hardly true as I was putting in 50-60 hour weeks with no consideration towards my family life or my salary. ]  It is sick, and I could play along- but it is that pesky ethical side of me that keeps saying no. No, I won't be desperate- even if I am desperate.  I have shrugged off more than a few really creepy-prying employers (including my last) that want personal information about my life in order to "evaluate" me. Instead of talking to me about a job, they are first telling me all the rules and boundaries instead of offering any specific details of that job. To me that is sick.  Our workplace is ill, focusing on issues that create negative environments and resentment.  To ask someone to come in for an interview without details, to sit through an interviews on their time and still be offered nothing about the job they are there to discuss- and to treat them as if they are not to be trusted, not worthy, not able to be an intelligent addition to an organization...that is sick. 

     If this were a date, and the person that you meet for the very first time tells you: “I don’t trust you.  I am going to use and abuse you, and here are all the rules we are going to have in our relationship- and best of all, smile...because there is nothing you can do about it.” What would you do?   I’d run away.  I've been in those relationships.  They are dysfunctional messes of anxiety induced depression.  Our organizations are too concerned with paying less, getting more- all the while pushing for blind loyalty.  If we look at production, a happy, healthy satisfied employee is more productive than a sick, stressed, anxious, depressed, plotting-an-exit employee.  That is common sense.  Our problem is the rich want to get richer, and the rest of “us” that are the ones making the world go round are suffering. We cannot continue on this path of employers asking for more and giving less, that eventually will lead to ruin (it already is).  We cannot continue on this path of having a daycare raise our children, of depending on credit to make ends meet, more hours for less pay and fewer benefits- that IS economic slavery.  Believe me when I say that I am not being naive.  I understand the need for rules and wages.  But the end goal of our workplace points to ruin over prosperity.  The scales have wildly tipped with one side way up, and the other side giving the majority of their lives only to end up deeply in debt and losing everything to the corporation.  Last year I saw a documentary called "the Corporation" that proposed looking at a corporation like a human being- even evaluating the corporation based on the DSM IV manual (manual of psychiatric disorders).  Turns out that the corporation does not fair well.  They would be institutionalized and medicated for a variety of serious disorders.  Again, I defer to Henry Ford (bigot that he was, he understood economics)…He paid his workers a good salary, because he knew that they were the ones who would buy his goods and spend it in the community.  He made money, they made money- everybody prospered.  While we all have to sell a part of ourselves to survive, I fear being on the path to losing my whole soul.

      We recently started health coverage with a new provider.  After receiving a letter today offering to continue my cancelled old health coverage for an out of pocket cost, I got to thinking...Here are some things that I can do with the cost of a family health care (2 adults, one child) at $2,729.41 per month...

1) I could buy 1,364-  $2 Win a $1000 a month for life lottery tickets, and pass them out to people by "Making it Rain" in a strip club.

2) I could buy a 52" LCD HDTV, and have a enough left over to buy an Xbox 360, a Playstation 3, and a Wii...and still buy lunch...

    maybe even Thai from that expensive combo Thai-Ice Cream shoppe up the block.

3) Pay for half of a breast implant.

4) Buy a fabulous brand new 364 pc. chic fall wardrobe from Target . (Target saves money

    by shorting the annual wardrobe of one outfit, don't worry I'll double up once)

5) Consume 600 happy meals, and use the rest for my funeral.

    (Please bury the toys with me as I'll need something to do.)

6) Buy 124 new movies on DVD, including the ENTIRE Buffy the Vampire Slayer collection.

7) Pay for a sex change for one of my cats so they could be a couple- unless they wanted to stay lesbians...

    then I would use the money to finance a new apartment in the posh Soho art district for them.

8) I could find the 7 hairiest male backs in the world and pay for the laser-ectomy hair removal, and only have to pay

    $70. 59 out of pocket.  Not counting any hairy butts.  Ok...If we do butts, then I can only afford 6 this month.

9) I could add computer memory to my 4 year old son Asher's brain, purchase a full stint of steroids for him, hire a martial arts teacher for him... and have my own Batman.

10) Go to the Dollar store and act like I own the place.  I would have swizzle sticks, half dead batteries, and expired-toxic-level-flouride-filled Canadian toothpaste for decades.

       “Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V”  (V is for Vendetta)

       First it was the comic based character from the Crow with Brandon Lee.  One of my favorite films.  Lee was accidently killed during the filming of the Crow when shot with a blank that had another real shell stuck in the chamber. Classic movie…classic performance.  Heath Ledger was recently found dead, soon after filming completed on the next Batman "the Dark Knight".  Ledger played the Joker.  V is for Vendetta breaks the death and comic movie cycle, but I threw it in for good measure as proof that I don’t really believe in the idea of a jinx.

     I am a huge comics fan, and a big Batman fan.  If I was an actor I would say that parts that involve smirking clown like characters may be jinxed…except as stated- I don’t believe in a jinx.  They are both sad stories, and both caught me off guard.  As a kid, I thought that Bruce Lee was the coolest-baddest dude on the planet- I rooted for his son (Brandon).  I am not a Heath Ledger fan, and was the first to dismiss him as the choice of the Joker...but after seeing bit parts, I was excited to see the movie this summer 2008.  I expected neither death,  that is most likely why they were so shocking.  Chaotic deaths usually unhinge common sense…and are often followed by conspiracy and myth.  Cases in point: JFK, Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon, Natalie Wood, Kurt Cobain, and RFK.  The universe may operate on chaos, but human beings need to make sense of the senseless. 

     Normally, I am a proponent for due process- but not in the case of Michael Vick playing in the NFL.  The federal indictment will run it's course, but the evidence is clear that he was involved in setting up a dog fighting business, and that means there should be an immediate punishment.  He should be done in the NFL until this is settled in court, and he should be cast out by every sponsor.  If he is acquitted, then he resumes his career with a nasty stigma- but he should not play until this is sorted out. 

      Nike likes street cred, dog fighting is NOT street cred.  Dog fighting is for degenerates.  I was greatly impressed (and surprised) to see PETA, Al Sharpton, and Russell Simmons team up to have an immediate and appropriate condemning response.  Suspending him is NOT jumping the gun.  He is a star, a role model, and paid plenty of money to be the face of a team.  That should be put on hold until this plays out.  Dog fighting kills and maims animals.  You earn in one 2-3 hour game what most people make in a year, therefore your morals should be held to that same standard.

     Clinton Portis (Washington Redskins) spoke on the topic in the spring,  laughing and chuckling his way through the interview that what "he does on his property is his business".  Emmit Smith recently gave an interview that "there is too much focus on Mike, if he bet on 1...5...20 dog fights does not make him that important"...What?!  These guys are paid millions of dollars, and they accept that he spends it on dog fights?  Is this just a joke to them?  Just a few months back there was a huge deal about the NFL players union not doing enough for past players with life disabling injuries.  Is that irony?  What pension and medical did the dogs receive?  Many people are noting that the windfall against Mike is based on his race.  I can't deny that in the case of the media.  Black athletes are under a microscope more so than whites.  But I think two points should be made.  first, he brought this on himself...no one else is to blame.  This is serious, dog fighting is not only abhorrent, it is illegal. Second, speaking for myself...I am most disappointed by a supremely talented individual.  He had the skills of a mythic god, and he wasted them in spreading sexually transmitted diseases, lying about that (errr..."Ron Mexico"), drug connections, poor social behaviors, and now dog fighting.  Here is what I have to say: You get paid TOO much money to be this stupid and callous of life.  Use your money and fame to do something worthwhile.  Be it Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Ray Carruth, or Pac Man Jones- that's enough!  You are acting like a generic movie jock: stupid and childish.

     The indictment lists 52/54 dogs purchased by Bad Newz Kennels (located on a property purchased and developed by Michael Vick).  Where are all of these dogs?  Beaten, brutalized, electrocuted, and shot.  To steal and slightly alter a Nike commercial tag: Should anyone be like Mike?  I know I know, Americans forgive their heroic sports stars.  Ray Lewis can fire up a team, and Mike Vick can run like the wind.  But, in the end- they play a game.  They do little to change the world unless a team, league, or agent mandates that act to improve public relations or to land a deal.  I love sports, I love the NFL- but it is not curing cancer.  It is not ending poverty, suicide, racism, or crime.  It looks like it supports it.

(Update 12/19/2010)

     I think of dead dogs everytime I see Michael Vick, So it is hard to comprehend during his season of redemption (last year he was a back up and played sparingly, this year he is a starter and having an all-pro season) being quoted as wanting to own a dog.  I have really watched his interviews for some sign of this big evil animal hater, but I just don't see it.  I see a guy who does not appear coached by a PR specialist, he appears to have honestly realized his crime and his shortcomings.  I can't say I root for him just yet, but I do want to see him become a human being again.  One that realizes a value to life and how lucky he is to have what he has- most people never have anything but the ordinary life.  A life that enjoys, but rarely see the dreams come true.  He is living the dream, and he seems to get that now.  He looks (and I use that term cautiously) like he has finally "gotten it".  He has transcended the cardboard role of sports egomaniac child, and become a man.  I reacted to the disgusting trend of self-entitlement in sports when I originally wrote this journal.  Everyone deserves the chance to right a wrong, even the really-really big wrongs.  Now, if I could give him advice, I would say to hold off on the dog ownership a bit longer.

     This is brief, because the topic turns my stomach.

     I remember being a young kid when they broke into whatever was being broadcast to show Hank Aaron at the plate when he hit homerun number 715, breaking Babe Ruth's MLB record.  I vaguely recall Aaron modestly discussing the events in interviews and on various shows.  He broke a hallowed record by a sports GOD with humility.  He did so under extreme pressure, amidst death threats, and racial insults.  Aaron did it with class and talent.  He did it with hard work.  Aaron did it without agents, public relations front men, and without a posse.  He did it without a reality TV show, without holding any teams or states hostage to his financial demands, and without selfishly hording his own historical baseball memorabilia. Most importantly, he did it without the aid of performance enhancing drugs.  The first rule of sports for all kids is: NO CHEATING.  Hank Aaron was one of those childhood sport icons for me.  He is the bar that everyone else measured up to, that is until everyone else started doping to hit the ball further. This makes me incredibly sick.  Using any drug to enhance your performance (when the drug is against the rules) equals cheating. 

      Barry is all about Barry, forget the sport, the history, or that it depends upon fans to continue to exist.  Everyone thinks that it is not having that much of an effect, but I know that it has made a big impact on how interested I am in the sport.  To quote Barry Bonds about his memorabilia: "I don't care about the hall (Hall of Fame), I care about myself." (ESPN.com 5/29/07) You see, Barry is banking on the steroids and the fame they bring- in hording everything related to breaking this record for future financial gains. 

     I keep hoping that everyone in MLB will wake up and stop this before the record is broken.  I hope they just suspend him (because he has failed a drug test already), and let all the legal craziness occur while keeping him away from the game.  By the time it all gets sorted out, he may be too old anyway.  In the meantime, I think this is bad for MLB, bad for all sports, and bad for society.  If you don't think this is cheating...then just look at this comparison of young and old Barry and ask yourself the question: Does it look like the steroids gave him something to enhance his hitting power?  And is that not cheating?

Update 2/3/10

     Barry holds the record, but no respect.  Mark McGuire came clean, but not completely, right, he took steroids ONLY for health reasons.  These guys cheated, and still they can't admit it.  I think most fans are misunderstood by the media.  The media says we don't care because we still watch and go to the games.  Watching is different than allowing a cheater into history.  I don't know a single fan who was not excited to watch Barry or Mark hit a bomb.  We were too caught up to think that they might be cheating.  But now with a clear head, not a single person I know wants these guys in the hall of fame.  And yes, the argument that PED's don't really do anything is faulty.  The top 3 players in babsebal history in terms of - Homeruns, On base percentage, Slugging percentage, RBIs and a few other major hit stats are:  Babe Ruth, Barry Bonds, and Manny Ramierez.  2 out of three have used PED's.  Guess which 2?  At some point we have to draw the line.  It's like paying someone to take a test for you- you can't take that test result as true.

"When all there is is God, then there is no God." (Taoist)

     I am not an organized religion person, and I have respect for most forms of religion-but not this one.  I respect the religion that puts your choice as free will and responsibility.  I like a religion that teaches respect for the public, and self respect.  I like a religion that teaches strength, and character without criticizing others.  I accept and tolerate freedom of worship, but I have NO tolerance for fanaticism.  Any belief that there is a higher power that chooses your path is a denial of life and all of the responsibilities that go with it.  Oftentimes, when humans become overwhelmed with life, denial is born.  To deny yourself control in life, based on a belief system created by man to control the social structures of man; is to deny life itself.  The belief of freedom and free will is closer to the original intent of religion.  In our world we are waging war, committing heinous acts of violence and oppression- all in the name of Gods.  Today, ideas are being suppressed in favor of keeping the status quo.  I am not a theologian, but there is a story that makes some very good points:  There could be no heaven without hell, no god without the devil, and no answers without questions.  Questioning beliefs go hand-in-hand with becoming an independent human, otherwise you are just someone's lap dog.  I guess since I saw this as a bumper sticker, I would have preferred that the driver just let go of the wheel and let God drive.

     This was the bumper sticker I read the other day.  But before the shock sets in...hold on.  4,000 a day-  That amounts to a lot of abortions.  That's 28,000 fetuses a week, 112,000 a month, 1.4  million a year (It's actually closer to 1.5 million a year).   Most women make a sensible choice when left with this decision.  Those that can have a child, and raise it well- do.  Those that know they cannot do so- seek an abortion.  From my perspective, that's 1.5 million unwanted children.  Children who would grow up under a weight that has been positively linked to a criminal future.  But before that, they can expect to live in poverty, be undernourished, neglected, well behind the curve of their classmates in school- that is until they drop-out, and then in their teens hit drugs, crime and jail.  even then, there is one more irony- they are statistically likely to have children under the same circumstances from which they experienced.  Our country can't handle the millions of unwanted "it's" that already exist.  I know, I worked with the disturbed children who were the "leftovers" of parents who really weren't ready or interested, and I have seen first hand that this situation is not isolated- it is passed own from mother to daughter, and father to son.

     We have millions of homeless people on the streets.  The same number times 50 of kids who wake up to dead bodies, gunshots, or drug and alcohol addicts littering their impoverished neighborhoods.  BUT, this "man" in this car worries about the choices that a "woman" makes about her body.  Reality is that if the number 4,000 is used, men participated in 4,000 acts of creation- but I would bet that less than 40% know or care about it.  These are the real "human sacrifices".  The homeless.   The poverty stricken.   And the women, who men prey on and walk away from the pregnancy - consequence and responsibility free, but not without telling women what they can or cannot do with the baby.  Religion unchecked creates as much distress (if not more) as drugs in society.

     This originally appeared in the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle (Gannett Newspapers) as a guest essay on July 11, 2003.  Unfortunately the text was severely edited (without my knowledge or consent), which dumbed it down to the level of the editors.  My original reason for writing the piece was to argue the articles woefully inadequate research into the topic of videogame violence. The headline read "Teen plotters, violent videogames LINKED", and offered absolutely no scientific support or research in any way -not one bit.  After signing a release, the editors at Gannett changed nearly every sentence that I wrote.  Killing the rhythm, and making my supportive argument/jabs into fluff.  Is that irony?  So I present it here,  in original form for everyone who can find it.  It was written in response to the 3 teens in New Jersey who were caught as they were to begin a killing spree in early July 2003.  Because they had role playing games on their computer, it was weakly considered to be fuel for their plan, at least according to the headline that was nothing short of a sensational lie...

      One of the prominent front page headlines for July 8^th read as follows: "Teen Plotters, Violent Videogames Linked".  Ahh, Finally we can all rest easy as we have found the answer to our troubled and violent youth. Yes, it is just that easy. Thank you Mr. Miami lawyer/Videogame critic Jack Thompson for holding our hands and demonizing the treacherous entity known as videogames. Simple solutions to complex problems come from simple minds.  We have raised generations of youth that are detached from our communities. I know because I am one of the first generations raised by Sesame Street and TV, a latchkey kid. The difference is that I did not become violent. Why is that? I had many home moves and school changes. I played videogames (and still do), drooled over slasher movies, watched mom and pop divorce, and it seemed to me like everybody else also had some sort of terrorizing bully breathing down their necks at lunch. So if that’s not the cause, what is?

     Extensive television, videogames, and movies without supervision (supervision being communication about subject matter, characters, reasoning, choices, and feelings) can lead to serious disconnections with humanity, or a feeling of being disenfranchised. However, that is not the sole cause of the youth violence that exists today in our culture.

     We are plagued with a buy it or perish type of advertising. Our youth is being brainwashed into believing that an item (that item being clothing, toys, shoes, games, movies, food…whatever) will give you a golden ticket to the "cool" show. If you don’t have that ticket, hop into the backseat with the outcasts, the nerds, the punks, the weirdo’s- bring your pocket protector, because you are now not part of the so-called norm of society. That is the belief- go along to get along. It is everywhere we go, all in the name of business and profit margins. We are drowning in violence and consumerism, and all of us know it. The movies now have ads before the violence begins, and product placements or endorsements are commonplace. Spiderman for Cingular One. James Bond for BMW. Austin Powers/Brittney Spears for Heineken-Pepsi. The Incredible Hulk for Mountain Dew. And television…don’t get me started on that mess. I am ashamed for what is left of our culture. Television is all one big ad, broken-up by the embarrassing shows that feature one humiliation after another that is referred to as Reality TV. Thank goodness it’s not my "reality". Conflict resolution comes through large steroid induced-tight spandex clad men (and women) that are yelling and screaming clichés of how they will crush each other as their sports-entertainment soap opera drama unfolds until one of them is unconscious or pinned to the mat for the 3 count. War is now reality news, and the mystery now hooks us as to the whereabouts of those pesky weapons of mass destruction. But, according to President Bush the good news is that the War ended over a month ago…shh, don’t tell the soldiers that are still dying in Iraq. Besides, aren’t we all more interested in the wedding plans of J-LO and Ben Affleck? Or what biting personal criticism American Idol critic Simon has today for an amateur singer?

     We have lost our souls, and we wonder why kids are killing people?

     Is it really a surprise? Let’s just take a look at how that New Jersey teen Matthew Lovett signed his "rambling" note before the killing spree was to begin: " I thought you’d like to know that I am a warrior, I am fighting for mankind’s freedom. Freedom from this society. (signed) Me. Matthew. The One. Neo, the Anti-Christ, etc. etc. etc." He may be heading in the wrong direction and confused, but his intent and his message are obvious. He has had enough. He wants off of this runaway locomotive that we call society. He wants out right now. The violent means is just a mirror.

     We have been here before. We blamed Beavis and Butthead, Nintendo, GI Joe, Ozzy, Rock and Roll, and Comic Books. Instead of blaming media, let’s try something more beneficial to solving the problem. I have worked with disturbed youth for nearly 8 years. I have worked with many patient and gifted people, and I have learned the most valuable lesson. A lesson for every adult, and every aspiring parent. Listening to children makes them feel valuable. Listening helps in beginning to relieve the trauma that creates the anger that leads to violence. Its seems like no one is listening. Our youth has been left unattended in a strictly consumer based society that is no longer tolerant of those that are different. When problems with children can’t be medicated with TV, we use prescription medication. Where did all these ADHD kids come from? When I was a kid, having too much energy and excitement didn’t result in a pill every 6 hours. The worst that would happen was you had to sit down for a few minutes. But then again, when I was a kid the pharmacological industry didn’t make $100 billion a year, and kids weren’t watching 4 to 5 hours of TV a day, with thousands of murders, rapes, and mayhem as filler for the ever important onslaught of Pepsi-Coke-Nike-McDonalds commercials.

     Our children are expected to be born as self-sufficient, all knowing, conflict resolving adults. That is when they are not in a medication-induced stupor that shuts down part of their brain, or watching TV, which shuts off the rest. We no longer raise our youth; they are more and more expected to raise themselves. Children need structure, something they can depend on. Children need limits, and should not be exposed to the trials and conflicts of the adult world. When they are exposed to the inevitable (as in Divorce, Death, Loss, Change…) adults should be guides towards a positive solution. Not buffers from reality, just an aid in establishing coping skills. Children need positive adults, they need us, the adults in their community to step up and take back the world. To re-create the world we all dream of. With that first step, we are already solving the mystery of where violence comes from. That or we can join the simple videogames are the problem ranks of Mr. Jack Thompson and lose them forever.

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