Alan Gordon Illustrations-Movie Reviews in 2 lines or less

Alan Gordon Fine Arts & Illustration

Writing: movie reviews

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result." - Albert Einstein

Can I actually remember and judge (yes judge) every movie I have seen in my life? I love movies (especially horror), they have been a big influence in so many areas of my art and my life. I watch the old and I watch the new, I try to stay with quality- but I have my sins. Sin is not as bad as its reputation. I don't always check out movies before I see them, and when I do I usually have to trudge through a lot of needless information. Nowadays there are so many movies that I want to see that I don't have time for the bad stuff- and yet, sometimes I find myself sitting in front of a very bad idea in film wishing for the love of god that someone warned me so I did not waste an hour or two of my life. Sometimes I want to know a lot about a movie- but most of the time I just want to cut to the chase and see it myself instead of reading a dissertation. So, here it is: the chase. A movie review in 2 lines or less, this is a vague movie review with just a few words and a rating on a 10 scale. I am trying to dutifully add every movie I have ever seen in my life- why? Because I can, it's like a challenge. Personal favorites (marked) are movies that have stuck with me over a long period of time, or made a big impact. Whether it was the story, the style, or the acting- these are my classics. This is not a race, it's a marathon of short-judgmental blurbs about movies...

821 movies and counting

SCALE: 10/high9- life altering velvety good art medium9/8- amazing/real chewy goodness 7/6- flawed, but worth the time

5/4- mediocre/for fans only 3/2- *sigh*, pass/bad/putrid, significant problems 1/0: makes you dumber for watching

The Abandoned (Russian, 2006): 6.5- Standard adopted kid returns to their haunted home, good visuals. About a Boy (2002): 8.5- It's a build up to that moment when disconnection and conformity is confronted. The Abyss (1989): 5.5- Long term underwater team finds clear gelatin people things. Generic shooting for Cameron epic. Aeon Flux (2005): 2.25- Great MTV liquid television cartoon, bad soulless live action. A Few Good Men (1992): 8- "You can't handle the truth!" Airplane! (1980): 8.25- "Me John big tree.", best disaster spoof ever. Airplane II: the Sequel (1982): 7- Still a disaster hoot. Alice in Wonderland (2010): 8- Visually stunning, "You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness." Alien (1979): 9- Stomach burst fear in space. Aliens (1986): 8.5- Rippin' in half good time. More action, less terror. Aliens 3 (1992): 5- I LOVE Charles Dutton, but this franchise is tired. Alien IV (Resurrection, 1997): 3- Very tired uninspired clone. All the Right Moves (1983): 5- High school was never this cool. Almighty Thor (2011): .25- Awful cash grab from knockoff maker Asylum, terrible, stupid, brutal on the brain. Alpha Dog (2006): 6- Kidnapping with dirty boy bands and Justin Timberlake. Always (1989): 3- Sappy ghost tale heroics. American Blackout (documentary, 2006): 7.5- Interesting conspiracy theory that has some weight on elections. American History X (1998): 9- Exposing the gaping holes in ignorance without the sugar. American Splendor (2003): 8- It's a story of a cartoon life. Amistad (1997): 5- Righteous slave rebellion with a John savior. The Amityville Horror (1979): 8- True story? Hardly. Get out of the house! An American Tail (1986): 7- Mice in the city are illegal aliens, fun. An American Werewolf in London (1981): 9- The wolf is haunted by the dead. Anchorman (2004): 7- gang fights with the news crew. The Andromeda Strain (1971): 6.5- Scary look at a virus. The Andromeda Strain (remake, 2008): 6.5- Updated look at a killer viral strain. Antz (1998): 8.75- Who knew antZ were so socially rigid? fun. Apocalypto (Maya, 2006): 8- This movie is what it must feel like to run hurdles, a Forest Gump of the Aztecs. Apollo 13 (1995): 7.75- Houston, we have a problem. Apt Pupil (1998): 6- Old Nazi one upped. Arachnophobia (1990): 7- Hordes to make your skin crawl. Area 51 (2011): 2.75- Syrupy red SyFy alien blood-a-thon. Aliens bust out kill and get killed by less than courageous generic army. Armageddon (1998): 6.75- Big rock doom, boom he's a hero. Artificial Intelligence: AI (2001): 7.25- Manufactured people and grief that does not end when it should have. Audition (Japanese, 1999): 7.5- Trippy j-horror, Lesson: don't mislead psychotic Japanese women, did you need that foot? Automaton Transfusion (2008): 4.5- Over-rated bloody zombie movie, all shock and gore. Autumn (2009): 0.5- Based on a good novel, and an interesting "zombie" reanimated take, this here is awful. Horrendous score, poor amateur acting, bad amateur approach. Avatar (2009): 8- Dances with Wolves with blue people. Great imagery, color- but a twinge of the white guy savior complex strikes again.

Baby Boom (1987): 3- Really not my thing, older lady dealing with baby keystone cops style. Bachelor Party (1984): 6.5- Best couch dance in the history of movies. Back to the Future (1985): 8.75- Hello McFly! Camp time travel. Back to the Future II (1989): 8.5- A sports almanac changes everything. A rare GOOD sequel. Back to the Future III (1990): 5- The idea is getting old. The western theme changes little, put it to bed. Bambi (1942): 7.5- Hunters make an orphan deer. *batteries not included (1987): 3- Buzzing cutesiness with 80's melodrama. Battle for LA (2010): 3.75- Alien doomsday in Los Angles, man is unprepared, unispiring inspiration. Battlefield Earth (2000): 0.25- Barely watchable story of earth in the year 3000. Painful to sit through. Batman (1989): 6- So close, but so far. Tim Burton slicked up. Batman II (Batman Returns, 1992): 6- Names and dark scenes don't make a story. Batman III (Batman Forever, 1995): 4- Life support for such a rich character, again names do not make a story. Batman IV (Batman & Robin, 1997): 3- Awful hot mess of story, characters, and imagery. Batman V (Batman Begins- reboot , 2005): 8- Darker, better tale be told of the real bat. Batman VI (the Dark Knight, 2008): 9.75- "You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time!" prime real estate for what makes superheroes modern gods, the tales are biblical. Battle for LA (2010): 5- shakey cam alien invasion outwitted by tech...again. Beaches (1988): 6- Female friendship cancer. Beetlejuice (1988): 8- Tim Burton creates a world of his own away from Hollywood. Better Off Dead (1985): 8- Eddie Van Halen hamburger guitar, and the best date scene rub your face scene ever, "I want my two dollars." Behind the Mask (the Rise of Leslie Vernon, 2006): 8.5- camera crew meets a wanna be. Big (1988): 9- Still holds up with responsibility play. Big Fish (2003): 8.75- A lifetime of stories. Big Nothing (2006): 7.5- Losers and blackmail and porn addicted ministers. The Big Red One (1980): 9- "You know how you smoke out a sniper? You send a guy out in the open and you see if he gets shot. They thought that one up at West Point." Bill & Ted's Excellenet Adventure (1989): 6- So Crates philosphizes dummies. The Birds (1963): 8.25- Hitchcock makes flocks frightening. The Black Swan (2010): 9.5- Losing herself to the dark side, a schizophrenic ballet. The Blair Witch Project (1999): 8- The fear is in what you don't see, but expect. Blair Witch II (Book of Shadows, 2000): 1- A sequel that has little to nothing to do with anything, and it is poorly done. Welcome to a movie money grab that pokes you in the eye with a fork. Blazing Saddles (1974): 8- Hard to judge the comedy quality after this long, but it is still worth punching out a horse over. Blind Date (1987): 6- At the time, the romantic date comedy was still new, and the tragedy of a bad date was funny. The Blob (1958): 6- A teen savior is McQueen. The Blob (1988): 4- A teen savior is not Kevin Dillon. Blood and Chocolate (2007): 2- Rotten mess of boredom Werewolves and vampires with European self entitlement. The Blues Brothers (1980): 9- Great music, great style, all so high they had no idea what they were doing. the Bone Collector (1999): 5.75- Detective twisty who-is-it? tale with bland characters. Bonfire of the Vanities (1990): 6- Ethical moral play that seems too not be making a strong enough point. The Book of Eli (2010): 7- He doesn't need to see the word, he has faith- oh and weapons. The Boondock Saints (1999): 7- Love it or hate it- people watch it, because we all want to extinguish evil. Born on the Fourth of July (1989): 6- Angry Vietnam wheelchair vet. Boyz n the Hood (1991): 8.5- Gats and Gangs. Brainstorm (1983): 7- The hat sees what you see and feel, even after death. Braveheart (1995): 9- FreEEEEEDOM! Who doesn't hate England after this movie? Breach (2007): 8- "It doesn't really matter; the judgement of other men... I know what I've done." Bridesmaids (2011): 8- Thank goodness for funny girls- and sink diarrhea. The Bridge (documentary, 2006): 8- Suicide off the golden gate, moving views ending lives. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992): 4.5- In each generation...hold out for the TV series, SO much better. Bugs Life (1998): 9- Fun creative thinking ant out of the social loop. The 'burbs (1989): 5- Wacky neighbors hi jinx. Burn After Reading (2008): 6.5- Interesting tangle of keystone cops style blackmail.

Cabin Fever (2003): 6- Gory flesh eating bacteria and the evil that men do. Caddyshack (1980): 8- Baby Ruth in the pool, still in the hole- "The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it." Calvaire (The Ordeal- French, 2004): 8.75- A French misery with pigs. Cannibal Holocaust (1985): 2.25- This is THE Bar Mitzvah violence hurdle for any horror movie fanatic. Is it a statement of cultural savagery, found fottage first, or just shock for shock? Cape Fear (remake, 1991): 8- Tale of stalking and patience. Captain America (2011): 7- Capturing Americana American style. The skinny to buff dream. Carrie (1976): 8.5- Prom night pig blood shower. Cars (2006): 6.5- A rare miss for Pixar. I am biased, as I hate NASCAR and country music. Cars 2 (2011): 6.25- Secret spy sequel that is not so suave. Carved (The Slit Mouthed Woman- Japanese, 2007): 1.5- Someone thought that the anti-child abuse message could be countered by lots of pointless child abuse imagery. Casper (1995): 4- Generic friendly ghost, sometimes dead plays to the masses for money. Castaway (2000): 7.75- Good big style quiet movie, "Who know's what the tide'll bring in tomorrow?" Cats Eye (1985): 4.75- Less than exciting shorts stories mashed together. Charlies Angels (200): 5- Like a Revelon ad with guns. Cheaper by the Dozen (2003): 6- Yet another keystone cops style lots-o-kids comedy, but Steve Martin is almost always good. Choke (2008): 7.5- Sex addict renaissance fair. The Chronicles of Narnia (The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, 2005): 5- Bland generic acting, bland outdated story. Children of the Corn (1984): 7.25- Creepy small corn town kids have their own God. Christine (1983): 4- Weak adaptation of a King book, and the 5th book to movie in 1983- burnout? A Christmas Story (1983): 8- You'll shoot your eye out with this classic. Clerks (1994): 3- I am against the masses on this lousy story with poor acting. Clerks II (2006): 7- A donkey show for a better time. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009): 7.25- It's raining, let's get fat. City of God (2002): 8- Violent Rio youth, art or the gun? Clash of the Titans (1981): 7- Clean & campy, but Ray Harryhausen makes it fun. Clash of the Titans (2010): 4.5- So even, it borders on generic, part of the 3D wave, which only serves to muddy the action. Cloverfield (2008): 6.5- Reality twist of a giant monster. Collateral (2004): 6- Hitman and cabbie bond. The Color of Money (Remake, 1986): 5- First was better. The Color Purple (1985): 9.25- Spanning story of life, race, and family. Cocktail (1988): 3.75- Bartenders are not so pretty, cool, or interesting. Commando (1985): 4- Kidnap the wrong person's daughter, that's what you get. Conan the Barbarian (1982): 6.5- Fitting grunting role for the big man. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002): 8- A real and imagined life. Conspiracy Theory (1997): 5.25- It's all true, next time listen to the cab driver. Contact (1992): 3- Alien message bogged down idiotic plot. Continental Divide (1981): 4- Waste of an open space. Coraline (2009): 7.5- Stop motion mastery to the secret hole in the wall. The Corporation (2003): 8.25- Compare corporations to the DSM (mental health) manual and what diagnosis comes out? Crank (2006): 7- A movie loaded with Jason Stratham on Red Bull. Courage Under Fire (1996): 7.5- The truth shall set you free, even in war. The Crazies (1973): 4- Schlocky bad government toxic waste. The Crazies (remake 2010): 7.75- Small town, Bio-terror, Bad government. Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954): 7- Hard to judge aftyer all this time, but a stapleof early horror. Creepshow (1982): 7.5- Campy color take of eerie 50's style horror. Creepshow 2 (1987): 3.5- Some things are better left dead. Crimewave (1985): 6- Campy, stylized, and forgotten. Cropsey (2009): 8.5- Digging into the fokelore of the boogeyman, buried history is laid to waste. "The truth is a range of possibilities, so pick one." Crossroads (1986): 4- Ralph Macchio, not Brittney Spears battling the devil in a guitar off. The Crow (1994): 8- "Mother is God on the lips of all children, do you understand?" The Crow II (City of Angels, 1996): 1- Awful. Ever drank something thinking it was something else and your brain makes you vomit? Cujo (1983): 5- Slobbery rabid dog and a feel good ending ruin this King novel. The Curious Case of Curt Flood (2011): 6.25- Throwing away a career on principle during the civil rights era, and a fraudulent painter on top. Curious George (2006): 7.5- Calming, relaxing and scored for warmth. Curse of the Golden Flower (Chinese, 2006): 7- Gorgeous visuals, but the story was so-so.

Dad (1989): 4- Bordering on unlovable sappiness for generations. Daddy Day Care (2003): 4.75- Yet another lots-o-kids keystone cops forgettable comedy. Dances with Wolves (1990): 6- White man saves the savage Indian by becoming said savage, revisionist rose colored Hollywood history. Dante's Peak (1997): 4- Hey...twins! What came first Volcano or Dante's peak? Daredevil (2003): 4- From great origins came this mess? The Darkness (2002): 8- Surprisingly scary, underrated, well done twist- stay in the light...or not? Darkness Falls (2003): 3.75- Who greenlighted making the tooth fairy a monster? Dark Water (Japanese- 2002, not the 2005 remake of the same name): 7- Creepy Japanese girls, water stains, and long black hair clogging drains. Dawn of the Dead (1978): 8.5- A play of the rut of mankind and zombies. Dawn of the Dead (remake, 2004): 8.5- Faster, nastier- but still the rut of mankind. The Day after Tomorrow (2004): 5- Freezing science in an instant. Daybreakers (2009): 5- Another vampire film jumping on the bandwagon to create an alternate world of near blandness. Daylight (1996): 4- Tunnel dark thrillerless. Day of the Dead (1985): 4- Epic bad acting, but concepts & Bub the soldier zombie makes it bearable. Dead and Breakfast (2004): 2- Awful zombie mess. Dead Girl (2008): 7- Transgressing morals with teens. "We could keep her..." Dead Man (1995): 7- Black & White & Loaded with metaphors. The Dead Zone (1983): 7.75- Seeing the future, and suicide by scissors. Death Becomes Her (1992): 6- Everlasting premise is good, slow and drawn out. Deep Impact (1998): 5.5- Clone of Armageddon OR cloned by Armageddon? Deja Vu (2006): 4.5- Been there but better before. Deliver Us from Evil (documentary, 2006): 7.5- One priest, a whole lot of molestation. The Descent (2005): 9- Claustrophobic, dank, and dark. Desperation (2006): 3- Some translations (book) are best left un-translated. Despicable Me (2010): 7.25- Formulaic evil doer evil-off competition saved by orphans and minions. Devil (2010): 7- Stuck with a guilty group, the devil plays. The Devils Advocate (1997): 6.25- Cardboard Keanu Reeves sells his soul. The Devil and Daniel Johnston (2005, documentary): 8.5- Mesmerizing music, a Mountain Dew jingle via phone from the psychiatric ward! The Devil and Daniel Webster (AKA: All That Money Can Buy, 1941): 7.5- Hard to judge after so long, but hard to look away from this one, "Why should that worry you? A soul? A soul is nothing. Can you see it, smell it, touch it? No." The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer (2003): 4- tacked on tv follow up to 'Rose Red", there are so many dark histories that no one seems free of evil. Die Hard (1988): 8.5- Action re-defining action. Die Hard 2 (1990): 5- Dried out leftovers. Die Hard III (with a vengeance, 1995): 4- Everything about this is getting old, adding Sam Jackson did not help. Die Hard 4 (Live Free or Die Hard, 2007): 3- Changing around the title didn't fool anyone. Dinner for Schmucks (2010): 7.75- Vincent Van Gogh. Everyone said to him, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you." Each line brings a new found oddity, straight faced comedy. Dinosaur (2000): 7- Monkeys don't get eaten before it all explodes and then the excitement comes to a crawl. District 9 (2009): 8- Aliens move in, some claims of racism afoot. Dolores Claiborne (1995): 7- A play of twisted memory. Donnie Darko (2001): 8.25- "You are a fear prisoner", Time travel with a dark rabbit. The Doors (1991): 8- Face the crowd Jim. Do the Right Thing (1989): 9- Right hand LOVE, Left hand HATE, they go straight to the soul of man. Dracula (1931): 6.25- Hard to judge after so long, but this still sets a standard for the Universal monsters, plus Bela Lugosi- 'nuff said. Dracula (remake, 1992): 8- Gary Oldman lost in a role, Keanu Reeves- still cardboard. Dragnet (1987): 3- Yet another redux character play with no substance. Dreamcatcher (2003): 6.5- Microbial invasion turns red, nice and moody. Dumb & Dumber (1994): 8- "I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this...I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man." Dumbo (1941): 8- It's scary being different, this also inspired names for kids with big ears for years.

Earthquake (1974): 4- Epic 1974 star studded catastrophe. Eight Men Out (1988): 7- Aw shoeless Joe, scandal. Elephant (2003): 9.5- Brilliant, uncompromising catch of the squeaking high school hallway and gun violence. The Emperor's New Groove (2000): 8- Witty good Llama time. Empire of the Sun (1987): 9- Epic spanning tale of war contained. End of Days (1999): 5- Only one man can stop the end of the world, again. Equilibrium (2002): 8- Guncatta and an emotion free future. Eraser (1996): 5- Only one man knows how to stop them...again. Eraserhead (1977): 8.5- Ever been slipped a mickey? Watch this- you'll feel like it. Yay David Lynch! Escape from New York (1981): 7.75- Bad ass Snake Plissken meets the Duke of NY after crime creates new society. E.T. (the Extra-Terrestrial, 1982): 8- Plastic and typically early Spielberg, but fun. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004): 9- "It's going to be gone soon. I know it. What do we do? Enjoy it." Evil ("To Kako" Polish, 2007): 0.5- Polish zombie movie, real-real bad, no lightbulb or ladder involved. The Evil Dead (1981): 8- ferocious forest, the dark, and demons- oh, and buckets of blood. The Evil Dead II (1987): 7- Campier sequel with a now infamous Ash. The Evil Dead III (Army of Darkness, 1992): 7.5- A cult classic, "...that's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart." Exit through the Gift Shop (2010): 9.5- What's real, the art or the people? Painted elephants pontificate on the lack of art value, or artists? The Exorcist (1973): 9.5- The power of Christ compels you, lights on- head on a swivel, instant terror. Eyes Wide Shut (1999): 7.75- Morals via Kubrick and the dark side.

Fallen (1998): 6- Tiiiiime is on my side, possession that just falls short of good. Falling Down (1993): 6.5- "I'm the bad guy? How did that happen?" Hot feel, but could have been a better nastier tale of being at the end of control in society. Fandango (1985): 7- Best wedding dance going separate ways ever. Fantasia (1940): 7- Hard to judge after so long, but one of the first trippy animated movies. Mickey in the wizardry over his head. Fantastic Four (2005): 3- Generic, seen it, been there, it's like a lifetime movie with superheroes- so why bother? Fantastic Four II (Rise of the Silver Surfer, 2007): 2- A shiny version of the first movie with an added slap in the face bait and switch. You CANNOT show the shadow of the EPIC Marvel character Galactus, and NOT have him in the film! Far and Away (1992): 5- Bland history wrapped around Irish love. Farewell My Concubine (1993): 9- Lush and passionate. Fargo (1996): 8.5- Feel the cold AND the wood chipper. Feed (2005): 5.5- Flesh, fantasy, and carbohydrates. Fido (2006): 7- Taming the flesh eating in the futures past. The Fifth Element (1997): 6.75- The future is love. Fight Club (1999): 9.5- You big tourist, the premise is to review your life's worth. Finding Nemo (2003): 9.75- Letting go is hard, holding on is harder. Firestarter (1984): 4- Super powered people used by the government get angry. The Firm (1993): 6.5- Evil legal empire...no way. A Fish Called Wanda (1988): 7- Slapsticklike Python style. The Fish that saved Pittsburgh (1979): 5.25- Wildly dated, hippie-weird-astrology not quite sports movie. Flash Gordon (1980): 6.5- Campy fun from the blonde savior of humanity. The Flinstones (1994): 2- Bedrock craptacular. The Fly (1958): 7- Help me!Hellllpp meEee! The shock of science with Vincent Price. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008): 8.5- "It's like the ark of the covenant, don't look directly at it." Forrest Gump (1994): 9- A spanning story, revolutionary. The Fountainhead (1949): 8- Hard to judge the soap opera style overacting this far past- Stick to your convictions and your independent thinking. Not thought of as a great movie about art- but it is. Frailty (2001): 8.25- "You can't make things like that up, son. Killing people is wrong, destroying demons is good. Don't worry, God will send you your own list when you're older." Frankenstein (1931): 7- More monster, less Shelly- threw the child in the pond. Frankenstein (retold, 1994): 5.75- Sometimes even with all the great possibilities, ideas fall flat. Freaks (1932): 8- Gooble gobble one of us. Free Willy (1993): 5- The feel good feeling weighs a ton. Frida (2002): 6.5- This is like drinking soda that is starting to go flat. You can taste the greatness, but something is missing. Friday the 13th (1980): 8- Classic stalker at summer camp. Friday the 13th (remake, 2009): 6.- All mood and very little substance. A remake that changes the story- eh. Friday the 13th Part II (1981): 2- Stealing ideas and tacking on a sequel is shameful. Friday the 13th Part III (in 3D, 1982): 3- Now with a hockey mask. Same old thing. Friday the 13th part IV (the Final Chapter, 1984): 3- Same old thing, now with terrible child acting, and the title is a way big lie. Friday the 13th Part V (A New Beginning, 1985): 1- Gaining down hill speed, very tired. Friday the 13th VI (Jason Lives!, 1986): 1- Bring the dead wearing hockey gear back to life via fence post and lightning. Friday the 13th Part VII (The New Blood, 1988): 1- Hockey murder with telekinesis wielding teens. Friday the 13th Part VIII (Jason Takes Manhattan, 1989): 1- Now on a boat in NYC, someone should intervene here. Fried Green Tomatoes (1991): 6- Largely forgettable if not for the human stew. From Dusk till Dawn (1996): 6.75- Schlocky vampire bar good for the gore and the fight. The Fugitive (1993): 8- The one armed man did it.

The Game (1997): 4- Yes, I get it. It's a game gone bad. Garden State (2004): 9- No home, no connections, love with a solid score. Get Him To The Greek (2010): 8.5- Washed up sex, drugs, a pop rock. "When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall." Ghost (1990): 6- Sexxin' up paranormal pottery making. Ghostbusters (1984): 8.75- Revolutionary, "Who ya gonna call?" still in use. Ghostbusters II (1989): 6- Beloved movie goes bland for follow up. Ghost Rider (2007): 3- A cardboard Nick Cage ruins what could have been. Ghost Story (1981): 7- Some old film legends holding onto a secret. G.I. Joe (the Rise of Cobra, 2009): 2.25- Mind numbing Novocain for the brain. Ginger Snaps (2001): 7- High School girl angst meets the bane of the moon, "I get this ache...and I thought it was for sex, but it's to tear everything to fucking peices." Girl Interrupted (1999): 8- Mentally unhealthy girls realize they are both girls, and mentally unhealthy. Gladiator (2000): 8- The fall of Rome was never so clean. Less and less heart over time. Go (1999): 7- Self indulgent, directionless, soulless and fun. Soundtrack for the ages. The Godfather (1972): 9.75- Masterful storytelling, a classic. The Godfather II (1974): 9.5- Lightning strikes twice, poor Fredo. The Godfather III (1990): 6- The powerful reduced to a diabetic in need of a candy bar? The Gods Must be Crazy (1980): 7- A coke bottle from above confounds. Godzilla (Japanese, 1954): 5- Hard to judge after so long, but the mother of big rubber monsters that wreck cities with fleeing Japanese citizens. Godzilla II (Godzilla Raids Again, Japanese, 1955): 5- He's big and radioactive and back again with screaming fleeing Japanese citizens. Godzilla III (King Kong VS Godzilla, Japanese, 1962): 5- That is a very ugly Kong, again screaming Japanese citizens. Godzilla IV (Mothra VS Godzilla, Japanese, 1964): 5- Giant Moth protector of Japan, flap-flap-weird singing twins. Godzilla V (Ghidorah, the three headed monster, Japanese, 1964): 5.5- Introduction of a great 3-headed rubbery dragon that breathes fire AND fleeing Japanese citizens. Godzilla VIII (Son of Godzilla): 3- Monsters makes friends of small Japanese kids in short yellow shorts- fleeing Japanese citizens expected. Godzilla IX (Destroy all Monsters, Japanese, 1968): 6- Massive rubbery brawl with everyone (including, I think aliens), yes- plenty of fleeing Japanese citizens. Godzilla X (All Monsters Attack, Japanese, 1969): 5.25- Another massive rubbery brawl, fleeing Japanese citizens. Godzilla XIII (Godzilla VS Megalon): 3- Giant spiked rubbery creature and fleeing Japanese citizens. Godzilla XIV (Godzilla VS Mechagodzilla, Japanese, 1974): 3- Metal monster VS rubber monster controlled by some evil japanese types that are not fleeing with the fleeing Japanese citizens. Godzilla XVI (The Return of Godzilla, Japanese, 1984): 3- Raymond Burr? Darker look for the rubber monster, fleeing Japanese citizens AND Raymond Burr. Godzilla XXV (American, 1998): 3.5- When did Godzilla become a giant pregnant monitor lizard? At least the soundtrack was ok, unless you count P Diddy singing with Jimmy Paige AND fleeing American citizens. The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (1974): 6.25- Older stop motion Harryhausen and a golden mask. The Goonies (1985): 9- A Sloth of an adventure with everything in between. Gravedancers (2006): 6- Starts great, middle great, whole last act insanely awful. Graveyard Shift (1990): 3- Utterly forgettable, dark, grimy, rats. The Green Lantern (2011): 3.5- Generic miss and miscast for a DC comic icon. Still the lantern oath echos: In brightest day, in blackest night... The Green Mile (1999): 6- Giant black "yas sah" man-child with magical powers made me uncomfortable. Gremlins (1984): 8- Don't get them wet, keep them away from bright light, and never-ever feed them after midnight. Gremlins II (the New Batch, 1990): 6- A little less fuzzy luster, but still so darn cute. Groundhog Day (1993): 8- Trapped in deja vu. The Grudge (American remake of Japanese film Ju-On, 2004): 7- A tale of a curse, rare good american remake that tidies up the package when the package was better untidy. Guns of Navarone (1961): 8- Nazis losing their head, unique bag of explosives, and trust issues.

Hackers (1995): 6- Implausible genius plot of big brother. Halloween (1978): 9- Still holds up today as scary slasher OG, revolutionary. Halloween II (1981): 6.75- Hospital setting for the slashing. Halloween III (Season of the Witch, 1982): 1- WTF? Tell a chapter that has nothing to do with the story? Halloween IV (The Return of Michael Myers, 1988): 5.75- Years have passed but they are still serving the same thing. Hamlet (1996): 8- Oedipus complex via Shakespeare. Hanna (2011): 6.5- The agent is a young girl, dangerous, arty,and maybe a bit too crafted. The Happening (2008): 2.25- OoOoh, the wind, scary. For shame M. Night Shyamalan and Markie Mark, for shame. Happy Feet (2006): 8.5- Be different, be independent, be fun. Hard Candy (2005): 8.75- Ellen Paige is not of age, riveting payback pedophile tale. Harry and the Hendersons (1987): 6.5- Potential turns into keystone cops, fun. Harry Potter I (Sorcerer's Stone, 2001): 6- fun non-threatening, canned fantasy. Harry Potter II (Chamber of Secrets, 2002): 6.5- Same idea, deeper can. Harry Potter III (Prisoner of Azkaban, 2004): 6.75- Now the can is darker too. Harry Potter IV (Goblet of Fire):8- The cheesy tournament is a set up for what I think is a turning point, powerful. Harry Potter V (Order of the Phoenix, 2007):7- A stronger step, but a step backwards. No long drawn out cheesy element, but no real punch. Harry Potter VI (Half Blood Prince, 2009): 7.5- We know the can, but we did not know what was in it. Strong movie for the story arc. Harry Potter VII (the Deathly Hallows Part I, 2010): 9- Forget the can, the magic moved into the adult realm, apocolyptic, sweeping, great visual story both long and short. Harry Potter VII (the Deathly Hallows Part II, 2011): 9- Who did what, and who used who in the end? Hatchet (2006): 8- Great throwback to 80's horror simplicity. fun. Head Trauma (2006): 6.5- Bad acting, fair plot. Hearts In Atlantis (2001): 4- If the deep reflection is absolutely boring, how deep is it? Hellraiser (1987): 7.75- The cube opens the door, "We'll tear your soul apart!" Hercules (1997): 7- Disney greets the Greeks. Hero (Chinese, 2002): 9.5- Beautiful storytelling, beautiful imagery, epic tale. The Hitcher (1986): 7- This is why you don't pick anyone up. Hocus Pocus (1993): 5- 3 witch revenge. Hoosiers (1986): 4- Great white coach loved, great white team loved , great white hope? The Host (2006): 8.5- Great modern monster, not so hot dubbed. Hot Fuzz (2007): 8.25- Cops, the elderly and guns. Hot coffee (2009, documentary): 8- Wow. McDonalds coffee can do some damage to a lap. House of Flying Daggers (Chinese, 2004): 9.5- Romeo and Juliet with a color and design punch in the face. Masterful movie making. The Howling (1981): 8- Big bad scary wolf clan for the first 95%, but the last transformation is laughable. The Hulk (2003): 8- Ang Lee knows the Hulk the way it should be, a deeper story of conflict: man vs. father, man vs. himself. The Hulk (2008): 6- Movie lesson: You CAN'T remake a movie that was just made, well...I guess you can. The Hunt for Red October (1990): 7.5- Breaking west for defection or war?

I Spit on your Grave (1978): 4- Notoriety for being banned, but not much of a movie in any sense (acting, cinematics, photography, story). Every man winces in this movie, and that wince never-EVER goes away, is that good or bad? Inception (2010): 9.5- Dreams have such a pounding bass, "You create the world of the dream. We bring the subject into that dream and fill it with their sub-conscious." Incident at Loch Ness (2004): 6.5- Expedition goes wrong, atmospheric. The Incredibles (2004): 8.5- "They keep finding new ways to celebrate mediocrity.", Pixar hits another one out of the ballpark. The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957): 7- Fighting tarantulas with needles. The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981): 3- Lilly Tomlin is not funny. Independence Day (1996): 6- Grand destruction stopped by a Mac computer. Inglorious Basterds (remake, 2009): 9.25- Retelling WW II style violence. Inner Space (1987): 4.75- Like a Disney ride wanna be. Inside (French, 2007): 7.75- Deranged woman, pregnant woman square off for the baby inside. Interview with a Vampire (1994): 5- Paint dries with more intensity. Into the Wild (2007): 9.75- "If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed." Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956): 7- Innovative pod replacements from space. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978): 8.25- Pod people conspiracy. The Invisible (2007): 6.75- The (psychic?) premise is fine, but the movie is slow. Iron Man (2008): 7.5- Fun, great comic origin story that expanded with the right actor- but the visuals and the story did not expand beyond that which we have all seen before. Iron Man II (2010): 5.25- bland villainous russian remix. It (1990): 8.25- "They all float down here", awesome to the end, and then slips. The Italian Job (remake, 2003): 5.5- Marky Mark thriller in tiny mini cooper cars that isn't that thrilling.

The Jackal (1997): 3- Bleached hair badass boredom. Jacob's Ladder (1990): 9- In between there is Hell. James Bond I (Dr. No, 1962): 6- Sean Connery in Jamaica as bland 007. James Bond II (From Russian with Love, 1963): 7- a better sexier mold is made, a spy chess game is what this is. James Bond III (Goldfinger, 1964): 7- Spray painting the dead gold. James Bond V (You Only Live Twice, 1967): 5.25- Gadgets, womens, and Martinis. Mold gets old. James Bond VIII (Live and Let Die, 1973): 7- Connery out - Moore in, lighter feel. James Bond XI (Moonraker, 1979): 5.25- Campier and sci-fi feel jaws of steel. James Bond XII (For Your Eyes Only, 1981): 5.25- Bond gets 80's sexy, now known for ladies more than plot. James Bond XIII (Octopussy, 1983): 5- The name alone makes boys and men snicker, other than the name the movie is forgettable 80's fluff. James Bond XIV (A View To A Kill, 1985): 4- The series is aging, an iceberg submarine? Really? James Bond XV (The Living Daylights, 1987): 6- Not a Timothy Dalton fan, Russians are the bad guys, world in peril...yawn evil empire. James Bond XVI (Licence to Kill, 1989): 5- Improbable gadgets, world in peril and evil drug lord...yawn. James Bond XVII (Goldeneye, 1995): 7.5- A few years off and Pierce Brosnan make the gadgets, ladies, and spies work again. James Bond XVIII (Tomorrow Never Dies, 1997): 6- Evil media boss, world in peril- yawn. James Bond (The World is Not Enough, 1999): 5- The world is in peril from evil terrorists! James Bond XX (Die Another Day, 2002): 4- OH NO! North Korean Terrorists imperil the world! James Bond XXI (Casino Royale, 2006): 6- I like Daniel Craig, darker origin tale, shaky camera to the point of nausea- evil terrorists- world in peril!. James Bond XXII (Quantum of Solace, 2008): 5- Evil enviromentalist! (Really?) World in peril! Jaws (1975): 9- As a kid, I could not even take a shower after this film. I still fear what is below. Jaws II (1978): 7.5- Predictable, but still frightening. Jaws III (3-D, 1983): 5.5- Very predictable, starting to show it's age. Jaws IV (The Revenge, 1987): 2.5- Now a shark roars and chases people around the world. Jeepers Creepers (2001): 4- Shallow & generic all encompassing evil monster body count. The Jerk (1979): 8.5- "These cans are defective!", Steve Martin in his prime. Jerry Maguire (1996): 4.75- I am against the masses, this was shallow and cheap, throw in a manufactured cute kid- ew. Joe Versus the Volcano (1990): 8.5- Florescent light eye twitch in a bad job. Junior (1994): 3- The action hero scientist carries a fetus. Judge Dredd ( 1995): 3- Mess from start to finish that misses the point completely. Juno (2007): 8.5- Pregnant and distorted youth, makes you re-think who is distorted. Ju-on (Japanese, 2000-remade in the US as "The Grudge"): 8- Scary, hairy j-horror without the tidy ending of Hollywood. Ju-on 2 (Japanese, 2000): 4.5- Forced sequels are never good, like leftovers that have sat too long. Jurassic Park (1993): 8.5- Stay out of the Easy-does-it and away from the goats. Jurassic Park II (The Lost World, 1997): 6.5- Once a charm, twice starts to age itself. Jurassic Park III (2001): 5- yes, YAWN...those are dinosaurs. No, no- they aren't dangerous.

Kalifornia (1993): 5.75- Forgettable serial killer play. Kairo (Japanese, 2001- remade as "Pulse" in America): 8- What if the realm of the dead filled up and they decided to take over the realm of the living by forcing us to commit suicide? Awesome apocalypse. Kick-Ass (2010): 8- "With no power, comes no responsibility. Except, *that* wasn't true."...yeh, why hasn't anyone dressed up as a superhero to fight crime? Kill Bill vol. I (2003): 8- A mix of the old kung fu overacting, and the new deeper film making. Kill Bill vol. II (2004): 8.25- If you can start it AND finish it you have done well. Kindergarten Cop (1990): 7- "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina." King Kong (1933): 8- Hard to measure today. Epic love story that still holds up. King Kong (1976): 8- A bit stereotypically breathy in the acting from Jessica Lang, robotic, but still a classic. King Kong (2005): 8.5- A slight twist, but only to strengthen a classic tale- "And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty, and beauty stayed his hand. And from that day forward, he was as one dead." Kiss the Girls (1997): 5- Predictable film vehicle for the flavor of the moment, the book was so much better, read the book instead. Knocked Up (2007): 7- Great big oops, somewhat forgettable/predictable. Koyaanisqatsi (1982): 7.5- Hard to judge experimental film past it's prime. Soothing, almost transcendental.

The Land Before Time (1988): 3.5- Cutifying dinosaurs. The Langoliers (1995): 3- Time eating Pac-Men. Lars and the Real Girl (2007): 9- "Some days I get so lonely I forget what day it is and how to spell my name." Last Action Hero (1993): 6.75- The potential of the golden ticket is wasted big time on generic characters so no royalties had to be paid. I don't order a coke to get an RC Cola. The Last Boy Scout (1991): 3- Forgettable unfunny buddy cop. The Last Broadcast (1998): 5.75- Predates the "reality" of the Blair Witch, but without the interest. The Last Exorcism (2010): 4- Reality POV charlatanism catches up to reality, loses all steam in the last act. Last House on the Left (1972): 7- I felt dirty watching this. It is the evolution of film ideals right in front of you- or just exploitation? The Last King of Scotland (2006): 8.5- An amalgamation carries the story, but the mood and color provoke reaction. The Last Starfighter (1984): 7- Every little videogame players dream. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003): 5- All the legends together creates the mediocrity of legend. Leaving Las Vegas (1995): 8- Life spiraling down the drain finds a reason. Legend (1985): 8- "This is such stuff as dreams are made of." The Legend of Hell House (1973): 8- a classic tale of a haunted mansion that set the standard for small groups entering the haunted mansion. Legends of the Fall (1994): 7.75- Spanning generations that can't communicate. Lethal Weapon (1987): 8- Buddy cop seeds are planted. Lethal Weapon II (1989): 6.5- It's only part 2, and things are tired. Bad ass Germans. Lethal Weapon III (1992): 5- The injection of a short funny Italian does little for a tired idea. Let Me In (Remake, 2010): 8.95- Hammer films makes a return with a fantastic remake. Oskar turns to Owen in cold America mid 80's, 13 (more or less) is a brutal age. Let the Right One In (Swedish, 2008): 9- What Twilight vampires wished they could be, "Please Oskar, be me, for a little while." Les Revenants (They Came Back- French, 2004): 8.5- Clean good looking zombie bait and switch. Not horror, a study of grieving. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004): 7.5- Ego and the sea. Bill Murray is near perfect. Lifeboat (1944): 8- In a lifeboat with those who sunk your boat. Moral and ethical dilemmas afloat. Limitless (2011): 8- Using all of your brain becomes a blessing and a burden. The Little Rascals (1994): 0.5- Ouch. My soul and brain rotted and died while wasting this time I can never have back. The Little Shop of Horrors (1986): 9- Singing man-eating plant, Rick Moranis and Steve Martin- I'm in! Looking for Richard (1996): 8.5- Shakespeare and acting egos on display in New York City. Al Pacino shows that given the right stage, Americans can do Shakespeare. Look Who's Talking (1989): 3- Note to producer, the novelty wears off after about 10 minutes. Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring, 2001): 7- Fantasy in molasses, sloooooow. Lord of the Rings II (the Two Towers, 2002): 8.5- Much larger, spanning story arc. Lord of the Rings III (Return of the King, 2003): 9.25- The big finish, dungeons & dragons players unite. The Losers (2010): 6.75- Fun, campy violence in retribution. The Lost Boys (1987): 7.75- 80's rock band teen heartthrob vampires. Lost in Translation (2003): 7.25- Bill Murray businesslike in Japan, and the most talked about part is the last inaudible line. What did he say? Lost Paradise (1994, documentary): 8- Railroaded justice in poverty, free the West Memphis 3! Lost Paradise 2: Revelations (1999, documentary): 8- Dental issues aside, this travesty just keeps going with at least one bad guy resident that creates drama that you cannot look away from. Lucas (1986): 6- "Leukoplakia" is cancer of the mouth. Lucky Number Slevin (2006): 7- Art direction amazing, action/thriller with a twist not so amazing.

M (German, 1931): 9- Slap a chalk "M" on and follow the judgment. Magnolia (1999): 8- "Things fall down, people look up." Malcolm X (1992): 7- Awesome acting, but a poor story for such a great source. Man on Fire (2004): 5.75- Mess with the super soldier who gets revenge- been there, done that. Like Denzel in the role. Man on Wire (documentary, 2008): 9- Spectacular, amazing and on film. The Man with One Red Shoe (1985): 6- Leaves your mouth dry waiting. Marathon Man (1976): 9- "is it safe?" Marebito (Japanese, 2004): 5.75- Japan jumps on the vampire wagon. Matador (Spanish, 1986): 8- The sexual thrill of killing. The Matrix (1999): 9- Revolutionary modern concept and film-making, but Keanu Reeves is still a cardboard cut out. The Matrix II (Reloaded 2003): 6.5- Go in for revolution, and get a LOT of old men talking and a convoluted story. Matrix III (Revolutions, 2003): 8- "The Matrix is a system...You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it." Maximum Overdrive (1986): 5.5- Fun, machines take over to kill us. Special guest star: an 18 wheeler dressed up as the green goblin. May (2002): 6.75- "I've always said, If you can't find a friend, make one.", sewn up scare. Meatballs (1979): 7- Afloat on the lake of the 70's. Meet Joe Black (remake, 1998): 7.75- Death takes a holiday. Memento (2000): 8- Tattoo your short term memory. Men Behind the Sun (Chinese, 1988): 2- Critical of the Japanese in WW II, should have been critical of this ever being put on film. Men in Black (1997): 7.75- A forgiving bit of alien fun. Men in Black II (2002): 5.5- Rehashed alien comedy. Mercury Rising (1998): 4- Kid is the secret future. The Messengers (2007): 1.5- Lifetime network style horror on a farm. Metropolis (silent, german 1927, 2010 reissue): 9- Hard to judge after so long, but epic man as the cog in the machine imagery, visionary future of man and corporations? Mexican (2001): 6.75- All about a gun. The Midnight Meat Train (2008): 6.5- A floundering fine art photographer catches the new delicatessen. Minority Report (2002): 7- A flat potential for the thought police. Misery (1990): 8- I like my feet straight. Mission Impossible (1996): 5.5- This tape will self destruct. The Mist (1999): 9.25- The monsters outside are not a bad as those inside. Monsters Inc. (2001): 8.5- The power is on, Pixar is so good. The Money Pit (1986): 4- Shoddy construction meets keystone cops. Monsters (2010) 7.25: "It's different looking at America from the outside in...", the devastated soul of the infected area due the large unknown. Monsters vs. Aliens (2009): 6.5- Potential that falls just short of an expected epic. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975): 8.75- Revolutionary for a comedy, the tie that binds is that it is always funny. Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life (1983): 9- "Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great- if a sperm is wasted God gets quite irate."...that theme song = awesomeness. Motel Hell (1980): 5- Campy smoked meat is tasty, "There's too many people in the world and not enough food. Now this takes care of both problems at the same time." Moulin Rouge (2001): 9.5- "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return." Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936): 8- Hard to judge today, but the crackerbarrel yankee and Gary Cooper still work. Mr. Sardonicus (1961): 8- William Castle is the poor mans Hitchcock, tragedy and barbarism with a toothy grin. Mulholland Drive (2001): 4- I can only remember the lesbian sex scene, largely because David Lynch never makes sense. The Mummy (1932): 7- Universal at it's best with monsters, Boris Karloff- 'nuff said. Munich (2005): 8.75- Olympic tragedy. My Bloody Valentine (1981): 6- Silly slasher miner hates Valentines Day, the dead are in the clothes dryer. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002): 6.25- Clean generic fun, windex cures everything.

Napolean Dynamite (2004): 4.5- I am not down with the masses, made for Mtv. Yes, it has funny moments- but that's not enough. Needful Things (1993): 7- The devil sells you things, Ed Harris is always good. Neighbors (1981): 5- SNL moves in. Nightmare Before Christmas (1993): 9.25- Yay for Tim Burton away from Hollywood with music and stop motion. Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): 8- A poor lead actress cannot stop a budding horror dynasty and creepy imagery, 1-2 Freddy's comin' for you... Nightmare on Elm Street II (Freddy's revenge 1985): 5.75- It's all about the character, some not-so-subtle homo-eroticism, and little else. Nightmare on Elm Street III (Dream Warriors, 1987): 3- Generic mold for the future crap. Nightmare on Elm Street (remake, 2010): 6- Darker take on the tale, but largely generic. Night of the Living Dead (1968): 9- Revolutionary, "they're coming to get you Barbara." Night of the Comet (1984): 6- Zombie-campy-theater fun. Night of the Living Dead (remake, 1990): 7- Not much beyond an update in color. Nightwatch (Russian, 2004): 7- Inspired visuals, Russian vampire wagon jump. North (1994): 5- Bunny suit best pal. North By Northwest (1959): 9- Cary Grant and a conspiracy classic. Nothing in Common (1986): 6.5- Worst old man gangrene feet ever. Notorious (1946): 8- Nazis, spies, and slow poison. The Number 23 (2007): 3- Conspiracy without a soul.

Ocean's Eleven (remake, 2001): 9- Good fun throwback nod to the rat pack types. Old Boy (Japanese, 2003): 8.75- Fresh idea, painful self dentistry. The Omen (1978): 8.25- "Look at me Damien...It's all for you!" The Omen (remake, 2006): 5- Shot for shot what's the point? One Crazy Summer (1986): 4.5- Pointless shallow 80's soundtrack romance beach cartoon real people mash-up movie at the height of Bobcat Goldthwait's (cough) career. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975): 9- Crazy Jack inside the old style green and white asylum. One Missed Call (Japanese, 2003- not the American remake of the same name): 7- This is why you have voicemail, death is calling. Othello (1995): 8- Shakespeare ultimate backstabathon. Out of the Blue (2006): 9- Rare quiet gem that captures a few hours of tragedy and humanity through confusion. The Outsiders (1983): 8.75- Golden boy, 'nuff said. Overboard (1987): 5.5- White trash re-do of rich bitch amnesia.

Papillon (1973): 9- Steve McQueen banished to French prison- never. Paranormal Activity (2007): 9- The covers over your head will not help. Light switch clicks are scary *click*. Paranormal Activity 2 (2010): 5.25- A character in the movie even says "Some things are better left alone.", can a pool vacuum be scary? Parenthood (1989): 8.25- Do you have to go? My whole life is "have to". The Patriot (2000): 6.5- Father watches sons die, plots revenge against the British, becomes hero, overcomes past- meh, it's pretend reality that was never real. Payback (1999): 5- Forgettable greyed out action with "bad" as "good", mans seeks revenge for being wronged- blah blah blah. The Pelican Brief (1993): 4- Generic thriller with pretty people. The People Under the Stairs (1991): 4- Horror and inner city ill-conceived social messages. The People vs. Larry Flynt (1996): 7- Porn king sues all in the name of freedom. Pet Sematary (1989): 7.75- "The barrier was not meant to be crossed, the ground is sour." Pet Sematary 2 (1992): 3- Tacked on sequel that went sour. Philadelphia (1993): 8.5- A fair world never goes out of style. Phone Booth (2002): 6.5- Seen before vigilantism with a weak ending. The Pianist (2002): 8- Trials and tribulations of music and war atrocity. Pineapple Express (2008): 7- Light up, and burn out on the run- "In case you haven't noticed - which you haven't, 'cause from what I can tell, you don't notice anything ever - we are not very functional when we're high." Pink Floyd the Wall (1982): 8.25- Monumental concept album digging the depths of stardom, mental illness, isolation, and political agendas. "I'm waiting in this cell because I have to know... have I been guilty all this time?" Pinocchio (1940): 7- Wooden boy cures the lonely, but lies for a longer nose. Pitch Black (200): 6- Shimmery eyes, screeching creatures, and vindication. Pitch Black II (The Chronicles of Riddick, 2004): 4- Chronicles of a tacked on piecemeal sci-fi sequel. Pirates of the Caribbean (the Curse of the Black Pearl, 2003): 7- Fun drunken gay Johnny Depp pirate romp. Pirates of the Caribbean II (Dead Man's chest, 2006): 6.5- The sequel shows signs of boredom. Planet of the Apes (1968): 8- Hard to judge those damn dirty apes after so many years. Planet of the Apes (remake, 2001): 3- Tim Burton + Hollywood = generic crap, Mark Wahlberg is awful. Planet Terror (2007): 7.5- Grindhouse chintz and zombies. Beautiful art meets the fun of the 70's exploitation. Pocahantas (1995): 6.5- "Look, don't do this. Savage is just a word, uh, you know. A term for people who are uncivilized.", Even meaning well, not so impressed. The Polar Express (2004): 7- Creepy digital kids summarize Christmas. Pollock (2000): 8- Ed Harris, alcoholic painter- spot on. Poltergeist (1982): 8- Clowns and tv's are scary. Poltergeist II (the Other Side, 1986): 4- Nothing is as scary as that old creepy man smile. Pontypool (2008): 8.25- Virus spread by language, the only cure is to not understand. Popeye (1980): 6- Panned, but atmospheric and fun. Poseidon Adventure (1972): 7- Epic 1974 star studded catastrophe. Powder (1995): 3- Forgettable super white charged teen, director loved to film boys without shirts. Precious (2009): 6.5- I am not with the masses, this has a larger negative social impact. Does it need to be told? yep. this way? nope. Predator (1987): 7- The start of a geek fantasy line for years to come. Predator II (1990): 4- Tacked on senseless clone. Primer (2004): 8- What would you do if you accidentally created a way to time travel in your garage? Time is a paradox, backwards is forwards. The Princess Bride (1987): 7- Ponies and rainbows, my name is not Inigo Montoya. The Princess Diaries (2001): 4.5- Not my cup of tea. The Promise (Chinese, 2005): 8.5- Epic tale, Red Armor, beautiful visuals. The Prophecy (1979): 6.25- Ecological warning. Too little facetime for the giant monster, best sleeping bag death ever. Psycho (1960): 9.25- Inspiring horror for generations. Psycho (remake, 1998): 4- Redux out done by original. Psycho II (1983): 5- 80's tacked on sequel to cash in on a name. Pulp Fiction (1994): 8- Weaving a tale of a Royale with cheese. Pumpkinhead (1988): 6- Revenge, a monster, moody dark mist and an old witch. Punchline (1988): 5- Sally senseless standup. Puppetmaster (1989): 3.75- Cheezy revenge is best served on strings. Purple Rain (1984): 4- Great soundtrack, but forced to watch Prince kiss on a purple motorcycle. Princepurplecycle.

The Quatermass Experiment (1955): 6.5- Hard to judge after so long, but Hammer hits a gelatiny alien schlocky chord. Quarrantine (remake, 2008): 7- Barely a twist on someone else's recent idea bugs me, but well done. The Quick and the Dead (1995): 3.25- Star studded stylized gunslinger draw, Sharon Stone over (or is it under) acting?

Rabid (1977): 4- Armpit blood monster pokes a former porn star, science gone awry. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981): 9.5- Classic nazi mytsical religious hero adventure with a whip. Raiders of the Lost Ark II (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, 1984): 4- Willie Scott Annoys, sequel is a money grab roller coaster at a 3rd rate theme park. Raiders of the Lost Ark III (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, 1989): 8- A dad and a cup. Rain Man (1988): 8- Definitely not wearing any underwear. Ransom (1996): 7- If they took your child, what would you do? Rashomon (Japanese, 1950): 9.25- Hard to judge so past its day- of course it's good, it's Kurosawa...revolutionized storytelling in movies. Ratatoullie (2004): 9- Pixar and following your passions are both good food. Raw Deal (1986): 0.5- Barely an FBI plot held together with awful acting. Rear Window (1954): 9- Witness through a window, and inspire countless rip-offs for many years after. Re-Cycle (2006): 7- The past is out there, and scary. Cave of aborted babies? [REC] (French, 2007): 8.5- Reality camera crew at the wrong time. Red Heat (1988): 2.5- Good cop, bad cop unthriller. Red Planet (2000): 5.75- Mars is red forgettable. Reincarnation (2005): 8- Disliked by many, I am not many. The Japanese are haunted. Remember the Titans (2000): 5.5- Largely forgettable sports inspirational tale that has been done too many times. Renaissance (2006): 5- A visual push in black and white, but not engaging. Requiem for a Dream (2000): 7- I wanted to rate this so much higher, but the depth of the addiction made my stomach ache for sanity. This movie sets a benchmark for creating depression. Resident Evil (2002): 4- Based on a videogame and not much backbone beyond. Resident Evil II (Apocalypse, 2004): 4.5- The monster has feelings! Return of the Living Dead (1985): 7.5- Campy, the dead are drippy and dried out, BRraaiinsss! Richard III (1995):8- Fascism meets Shakespeare meets a distorted scary future- makes great drama. The Ring (American remake, 2002): 8- A neater (but not better?) VHS story that has a story that leaves no one to listen. Ringu (1998, Japanese): 9- a story that tells a story that leaves no one to listen. R.I.P. Rest in pieces (a portrait of Joe Coleman- documentary, 1997): 8- Hypnotizing and revealing look into an artist, a look inside the process of a true oddity. Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011): 8- Smart apes with hurt feelings, to be pets or not to be pets- that is the question. Risky Business (1983): 7- Sex with a hooker on a subway became every boys dream, people still dance to Bob Segar in their underwear with Ray Bans. A River Runs Through It (1992): 8- Fly fishing with a ken doll of Brad Pitt. Rivers and Tides (Andy Goldsworthy- documentary, 2001): 9- Incredible look at environmental art, and the subtlety of human disconnection. Rivers Edge (1986): 8.5- Teen angst and a dead body. The Road (2009): 8.5- "If I were God, I would have made the world just so and no different", father son apocolypse. Roadhouse (1989): 4- The summit of storytelling for hero bouncers, "My way... or the highway". Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975): 5- Fun with a theater crowd, "Can't you just see it? Don't dream it. Be it.", but lame at home. Romeo & Juliet (remake, 1996): 9- "Peace. I hate the word. As I hate hell, all Montagues." Rope (1948): 8- The stranglers throw a party. Rose Red (2002): 5.75- Mood and environment count for a lot in haunted houses, this house is expected- but has its moments. Rosemary's Baby (1968): 7.5- Devilish clan, "He chose you honey! From all the women in the world to be the mother of his only living son!" The Royal Tennenbaums (2001): 7.5- "Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't.", the complex family. The Running Man (1987): 5- Trying really hard to be edgy and social, instead it's a generic future in jumpsuits. Rudy (1993): 6- Desire, and about 12 seconds of playing time. Run Lola Run (German, 1998): 7.75- 20 minutes or else, bump and effect lives.

Salems Lot (1979): 8.5- The town becomes abandoned due to vampires scratching at the windows. Salem's Lot 2 (A Return to Salem's Lot, 1987): 6- A tacked on sequel that has it's moments. Salems Lot (remake, 2004): 7- Slicker does not mean better. The Sandlot (1993): 8- FOOOOREVER...baseball and killer dogs. The Sand Pebbles (1966): 8- "I was home, what happened...what the hell happened?" Steve McQueen happened. Saving Private Ryan (1998): 9.5- Epic WW II story of sacrifice. Schindler's List (1993): 9- The savior aspect is good, but the atrocity and the touch of red is moving. School of Rock (2003): 7- "God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen." The Science of Sleep (2006): 8.25- Beautiful mix of visuals and a feeling of confusion and understanding. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010): 7.75- Hipster utter confusion is fun,"I partake not in the meat, nor the breastmilk, nor the ovum, of any creature, with a face." Scream (1996): 7- Horror movies rules are made to be broken. Scrooged (1988): 7.5- Bill Murray rocks the role of the miser. Searching for Bobby Fisher (1993): 8- Hustling your love with genius, will it be or not be? "Maybe it's better not to be the best. Then you can lose and it's OK". The Secret Garden (1993): 4.5- Generic bland yarn from a children's story of abuse. Plays like an afterschool special. The Seige (1998): 5- Yes, I get it. Like a 6th grade essay on what's wrong in the US. Session 9 (2001): 8.5- Danvers State Asylum, psychosis- play the tape. Se7en (1995): 9- Sin makes a comeback. Seven Samurai (Japanese, 1994): 9.5- Of course it's good, it's Kurosowa..."This is the nature of war, by protecting others you save yourselves." Shakespeare in Love (1998): 7.25- Strapped for cash, not for inspiration. Shallow Hal (2001): 7- From in front and behind. Shaun of the Dead (2004): 9- "Oh for God's sake, he's got an arm off." The Shawshank Redemption (1999): 9.5- A classic tale of faith for fairness. "Do you know what they say about the pacific? No. They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory." The Shining (1980): 9- Moody and creepy Jack and Kubrick. The Shining (remake, 1997): 5- Sometimes the author needs to stay away from the re-adaptation. Shoot 'em up (2007): 4- Guns, over the top action, and physics don't mix. Shooter (2007): 5- Rogue ultra trained former government weapon gets wronged by the cabal, seeks vengence. Been there many times. Shrek (2001): 7.5- Bad ogre good love. Shutter (Hong Kong- not the American remake of the same name, 2004): 7.5- What's this an Asian ghost? Still scary. Shutter Island (2010): 9- Beautiful filmaking, 'nuff said. Sideways (2004): 6.25- I am not with the masses on this one, hipster tale of wine tours and romaticizing your lifes path. The Signal (2007): 7.75- 3 parts, 3 perspectives- turn off the media. Signs (2002): 7.5- A good moral tale that wraps up way too neatly. The Silence of the Lambs (1991): 9- Mesmirizing performance from Anthony Hopkins with a great switch at the door. Silent Hill (2006): 6- Tear off the skin, a few jaw dropping moments. Silver Bullet (1985): 3- Kid has a really fake souped up wheelchair & fights rubber werewolf. Sin City (2005): 6- Brain dead writing, jaw dropping visuals, perfect example of form versus content. Sliding Doors (1998): 6- One moment, one choice, one change. Should have been better. Sleepaway Camp (1983): 5.75- Campy (ha! get it?), but the ending is a TOTAL shock. Sleepless in Seattle (1993): 5.25- Romantic schmooze, bordering on sap. Sleeping with the Enemy (1991): 5- Weak thriller typical of the time. Fix that towel on the rack. Sleepy Hollow (1999): 5.5- Tim Burton and Hollywood should have an order of protection from each other. Sleepwalkers (1992): 3- Bad acting on sets with an idiotic story, but it has cats as heroes. Smokey and the Bandit (1977): 7- Heee heee...cool Burt in the first of a string of car chase movies. Smoking Aces (2006): 5.25- Style, flash and bang can't hide a tired story of individual lives intersecting. Snatch (2000): 8- "You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity." Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937): 7- Hi Ho, setting a standard for princesses and evil witches for the future, take a bite of the apple. the Social Network (2010): 9- Billion dollar company of lonely boy, facebook starter split up. Sometimes They Come Back (1991): 5- The past come back to haunt you exactly as it has many times before. Song of the South (1946): 6.5- This one is particularly hard to judge because of the innappropriate social setting, Uncle Remus zippity-do-dah-racism? Sorum (South Korean, 2001): 7- Digging graves at night in the rain- been there. Spanking the Monkey (1988): 7- The awkwardness of masturbation and incest all rolled up in one. Speed (1994): 7- You can go as fast as you want, Keanu Reeves is still cardboard. Spiderman (2002): 7.75- Campy and appropriate web-slinging. Spiderman 2 (2004): 8.5- Strong follow up, Doc Ock has a thunderous footstep. Spiderman 3 (2007): 6- Too many cooks in the spider kitchen, directionless. Splash (1994): 7- A mermaid walks into a bar... Splatter (Naked Blood- Japanese, 1995): 4- A serum that makes pain into pleasure, eat yourself with a knife and fork. Splice (2010): 6.75- Moral-ethical science gene cloned-clone with Cronenberg style. Splinter (2008): 7- Vile virus and a gas station. The Squid and the Whale (2005): 6.5- Trauma of youth, and throwing sperm. The Stand (1994): 8- The end of man and the devil is there. Stand By Me (1986): 8.5- Wanna see a dead body? Ben E. King song of 1986. Starman (1984): 8.25- Classic feel good alien returns as dead man. Star Trek (The Motion Picture, 1979): 6.5- hard to judge after so many years, but a bit bland and bald. Star Trek II (The Wrath of Khan, 1982): 8- Good resuurection of bad and death of good. Star Trek III (The Search for Spock, 1984): 5- Reborn to boredom. Star Trek IV (The Voyage Home, 1986): 5- Whales to the future. Star Trek V (The Final Frontier, 1989): 4- Obscurity, camping, and boredom. Star Trek VI (The Undiscovered Country, 1991): 7- Cold War wall premise. Star Trek VII (Generations, 1994): 5.5- Generations of geeks fight over which captain is better on one screen. Bland. Star Trek VIII (First Contact, 1996): 7.5- Good cast, good enemy to assimilate. Star Trek IX (Insurrection, 1998): 5.5- futuristic conspiracy theory. Star Trek X (Nemesis, 2002): 5- Boldly go where other have gone often. Star Trek XI ("reboot", 2009): 8- Reboots sometimes go right. Star Wars ("Episode IV", 1977): 9- hard to judge today, but for it's time- revolutionary. Ew- a brother and sister kiss, who knew? Star Wars ("Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back", 1980): 9.25- Epic follow up you will. Star Wars ("Episode VI: Return of the Jedi", 1983): 9.5- Monumental, "Luke, I am your father." rocked the world. Star Wars ("Episode I: The Phantom Menace", 1999): 5.5- Origin story, a meal with out any spice when it needed to be spicy. Star Wars ("Episode II: Attack of the clones", 2002): 4- Trying too hard to create drama and interest where there exists none you see. Stealing Beauty (1996): 6.5- Tuscany love and wisdom with grapes. Storm of the Century (1999): 8- "Give me what I want and I'll go away." Strangers on a Train (1951): 8- Getting away with murder. Stripes (1981): 8- Razzzle Dazzle, Bill Murray is a wrench in the military machine. Subject Two (2006): 8- The modern Prometheus redux in a cabin. Sunshine (2007): 8.5- The story pushes on like a drum beat, telling life to come, come-come. Super 8 (2011): 7.75- End of the 70's ET, "guys , drugs are soooo bad." Superbad (2007): 8- McLovin makes me mclaugh about mcsex. Superman (1978): 8- Hard to judge after so long, but Reeve was the Man of Steel. Superman II (1980): 7.25- The phantom zone 3 wreak some havok to a bullied superman. Superman III (1983): 1- Awful, sad, desperate, un-super superman. Superman Returns (2006): 5- Really? What a weak and bland introduction to a God. Survival of the Dead (2009): 7- First Night, then Dawn, then Day, Land, Diary, and now Survival. Campy George with sub-par acting, but still Romero. Surrogates (2009): 7.25- Like a copy of a copy of a socially relevant movie. Suspira (Italian, 1977): 6.5- Schlocky gorfest of dead pretty women. Sweeney Todd (2007): 8- Revenge best served sung.

Taps (1981): 8- Military school gone awry. Teachers (1984): 6 - Hard to judge after time, typical 80's unionizing movie with teachers acting like juveniles. Tears of the Sun (2003): 3- White army men save African refugees. The Terminal (2004): 7- Man without a home makes a home. The Terminator (1984): 8.75- Inspiring generations to say "Ahll Be Bok", time travel future past. Terminator II (Judgment Day, 1991): 9- Flexible killer liquid metal. Terminator III (Rise of the Machines, 2003): 6- The idea is getting old, even time thinks so. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): 6- A classic villain is born is a psychotic tale of terror weak in the quality knees, plus the "true story" tag is faulty. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (remake, 2003): 7.5- Slamming the metal door on the story, moody-hot. Thelma & Louise (1991): 7- Is it a lesbian tale over the cliff? Them! (1954): 7- Hard to judge after so many years, it put ants and nuclear testing on the map. The Thing (1982): 9- What's real and what's a copy? The Thing with Two Heads (1972): 1- Can you say what -what? Laughable. There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane (2011): 8.75- Familes speeding the wrong way to a drunken end, the dead are dead- and the alive act that way too. Thinner (1996): 2.5- Bad make-up and a gypsy curse. Thirteen Ghosts (remake, 2001): 4- Awesome glass house, awesome ghosts, stupid movie. This is Spinal Tap (1984): 11- 'Ello Cleveland. If you grew up with metal hair bands, this is your life. Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000): 0.5- This is NOT Thomas. Shame on you Alec Baldwin..."Mr. Conductor", is that really the best name for a character in a train movie you could come up with? Eye and ear gougingly bad. Thomas Crown Affair (remake, 1999): 7- Fun bit of thrilling theft. Thor (2011): 7.25- Second tier comic character makes an Asgardian godlike interest with thunder. Three Kings (1999): 6.75- Greed goes septic. Three O'Clock High (1987): 6- School yard stressor with style. Titanic (1997): 8- Hard to separate now from all the hype and cheesiness, but as it is, still expansive epic tale. Titus (1999): 8- Lesser known Shakespeare with Julie Taymor at the helm, "He that wounded her hath hurt me more than had he killed me dead." To Kill a Mockingbird (1962): 9- "It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived." Tomie I (Japanese, 1999): 1.5- An interpretive graphic novel dance of garbage. The Tommyknockers (1993): 3- Aliens make them build. Top Gun (1986): 5- I am against the masses on the this one, the military is not so much fun. Total Recall (1990): 7- Cartoon like sci-fi memory fest, fun. The Towering Inferno (1974): 6- Epic 1974 star studded catastrophe. The Town (2010): 9- Bahhstin accents aplenty in a can't-look-away-from-the-screen wreck of robbery and lives. Toy Story (1995): 9.25- Used up, outdated, updated, left behind and jealous. Toy Story II (1999): 9.25- Lightning strikes twice for the collectables. Toy Story III (2010): 9.25- Being wanted and growing older. Training Day (2001): 5.5- Bad Cop King Kong, gets more credit than it deserves. Transformers (2007): 6- Fun, but brain dead Hollywood flash and bang. Transporter (2002): 7.5- Jason Stratham is made for this. Look away from the creepy Korean bad guy who has had some sort of low cost plastic surgery. Transporter 2 (2005): 4.5- You can't one-up being a spaz without opening the realm of can't be done and ignore physics in red stilettos. The Tree of Life (2011): 8.75- Existential experiment on the scope of life and the loss of innocence, turn up the volume. "The only way to be happy is to love. Unless you love, your life will flash by." Trick 'r Treat (2008): 8.75- Great throwback to shlocky horror fun. Tropic Thunder (2008): 7- Mostly typical satire, good trio saves it from oblivion. True Lies (1994): 8- "Can you hurry up, my horse is getting tired." Surprising take on suburban spies, but a negative is the stereotyped middle-eastern terrorists. Turner & Hooch (1989): 6- Man and dog cop love. Twelve Monkeys (1995): 7.75- The future and the past drag a bit at points, Brad Pitt is good crazy. Twilight (2008): 4- Sparkly, good movie to for tweens to text all the way through. Twilight II (New Moon, 2009): 4- Team Edward vs. Team texting with wolves without shirts. Twilight III (Eclipse, 2010): 3- I forgot what I saw by the time I found my car in the parking lot, GQ posing aplenty. Twilight IV (Breaking Dawn, part I, 2011): 2- Sad flute, sad piano score- I felt like a sad 13 year old girl desperately texting for shirtless Jacob. Twilight Zone (the Movie, 1983): 5- There's something on the wing! Twins (1988): 3- See, they are twins but they are not- it's funny. Twister (1989): 7- Epic storm effects (for the time), was that a cow?

Ultraviolet (2006): 5- Shallow vampire future. Underworld (2003): 6.75- Slicked up wolves & vampires in an eternal war. Unrest (2006): 4- Students mess with the dead, dead get angry, students swim in tank of dead person broth. The Untouchables (1987): 9- Cardboard Costner held up by a great story. "What are you prepared to do?" Up (2009): 9- It's never too late to see things like when you were young. Up In the Air (2009): 8.5- Been fired? Disconnected from the world, would you like the cancer, can sir? Unbreakable (2000): 6- It's hard to make something so simple appear so complex and empty. It's like eating a big meal and leaving hungry. Uncle Buck (1989): 7.5- I miss John Candy because of this movie. Boyfriend in the trunk.

V for Vendetta (2005): 9.5- Beautiful political story, with dialogue that jumps out of the mouth and into your head like music. Vampires (2011, French): 5.25- Documentary style, Belgian vampire family and real ethics..really? Vanilla Sky (2001): 8.5- I am against the nay-saying masses on this mind trip-morality play. Vertigo (1958): 8.25- Fear of heights and murder. Videodrome (1983): 8- Mind control signals by Cronenberg. The Village (2004): 5- Plays out like a longer Twilight Zone, I am not with the masses. This heads in an obvious direction and contains the standard M. Night "twist". Village of the Damned (1960): 7- Creepy bright eyed children take the town. Virtuosity (1995): 3- A virtual reality future that looks as plastic and fake as the story. Volcano (1997): 4- Hey...twins! What came first Dante's Peak or Volcano? Volunteers (1985): 4- 80's camp with no luster.

Wall-e (2008): 9- Can a movie be made with little to no dialogue, and will it be good? yes. War of the Worlds (2005): 7- Epic apocalyptic start, and then the story and the acting sink it like an anchor. Watchmen (2009): 9- Excellent reason why graphic novels are art- humanity, flaws, hopes and dashed dreams. What Dreams May Come (1998): 6- Painterly approach to a sappy afterlife. What's Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993): 8- Social stigma and some acting on showcase. When Harry Met Sally (1989): 6- Gave every old lady the license to say "I'll have what she's having." Where The Wild Things Are (2009): 9- Underrated, misrepresented, and honest about the confusion of childhood. Look beyond Disney style expectation- and this is a gem. Whip it (2009): 7.5- Fun mash up of conflicts, characters, and dreams. White Men Can't Jump (1992): 5- Hustling race for the dollar. Whiteout (2009): 3- fake storm thriller, fake storm thriller. The White Ribbon (German, 2009): 8- Cruetly, and quiet oppression pre World War I, open ended repression. Who did it? Everyone, and no one. The Whole Nine Yards (2004): 6.75- Largely forgettable hitman meets keystone cops- yay for nude scenes. Who framed Roger Rabbit? (1988): 9- Revolutionary mix of reality and toon. Who the #@*! is Jackson Pollock? (documentary, 2006): 7.25- Swearing old lady truck driver finds a real Pollock, hilarity ensues. Wicked Little Things (2006): 3.5- Good idea, make it dark so no one sees the plot. The Wicker Man (1973): 8- Wicked rituals on an isolated island. The Wicker Man (2006, remake): 2.5- This is like Wal-Mart electronics, it's based on something good- but doesn't work at all. Willard (1971): 6- Hard to judge after so long, social misfit revenge. Willard (remake, 2003): 5.5- Creepy Crispin Glover rescues a tarnished rat remake. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original- not the remake, 1971): 9.5- Oompa Loompa awesome. Winnie the Pooh (The Many Adventures of, Compilation 1977): 9.5 - Blustery day, pooh is a taoist. Winter Passing (2005): 7.75- Ed Harris is good all the time, a good character study has to balance humor and sobering reality. The Wizard of Oz (1939): 9- Epic flying monkey twister witch man behind the curtain tale. Wolf Creek (2005): 2- Reality based fiction fraud torture porn. The Wolfman (2009): 7- Universal nod, but a bit bland. Wristcutters, A Love Story (2006): 7.75- The in-between after suicide may answer questions from life with new perspective.

X-Men (2000): 5- Bland boiled flavorless meal with no dessert. X-Men II (X2, 2003): 7.75- Better story, better plotline, right direction, still slightly generic. Like getting excited for unflavored ice cream. X-Men III (The Last Stand, 2006): 4.75- With such a huge quality written history, why settle for such shallowness? X-Men IV (First class, 2010): 8- Adult theme upgrade, mutants are better than man during the Bay of Pigs. But I am not fond of the mass alterations to commic book history. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009): 3.5- Generic, ignoring comic history, insulting and straight canned Hollywood garbage.

Yes Man (2008): 5- Forgettable, regrettable. Young Guns (1988): 5- Brat pack western.

Zombie 2 (AKA "Zombie", Italian 1980): 4- Classic Italian Gore tied to Dawn of the Dead to sell tickets. Worst eye poke scene on film- ever. The Zombie Diaries (2006): 4- A mess of a "reality" movie, loaded with images and ideas that have been recycled, standard cliche' of people being the real monsters. Zombieland (2009): 8.5- #3: Beware of bathrooms, #22: When in doubt, know your way out.

Numerical

3:10 to Yuma (2007): 6- Triumph and tragedy in the West. Making the villain good? The 6th Day (2009): 4- Arnold clone memory redux. Been there, there again. 12 Angry Men (1957): 8- Hard to judge today, but a classic before its time. 1408 (2007): 3- This felt like a lifetime network horror movie. 16 Blocks (2006): 5.5- Cops struggle to overcome danger. 1941 (1979): 7.75- "Jesus Palomino, a Nazi. I knew it, you're all in cahoots. Well let me tell you something, Mr. Heinie Kraut, I fought your kind in the great war, and we kicked the living shit out of you!" 2001 (A Space Odyssey, 1968): 8- Hal is hard to judge after this long, but a game changer and a warning. 28 Days Later (2002): 7.75- The new not-a-zombie plague is great, but then has a tacked on B-movie third act. 28 Weeks Later (2007): 9- When you fix what's wrong -things get better...right? 2012 (2009): 5.5- Hollywood destruction, Hollywood story arc- pffft! story-pffft! science. 30 Days of Night (2007): 5.75- Annoying, screeching vampires and a whole lotta blood. 300 (2006): 5.5- Visually arresting, but history is not a rock video with a hidden agenda. 500 Days of Summer (2009): 8.5- Love & Pain are funny and not so simple. 8MM (1999): 2.5- Snuff, what a mess. 9 (2010): 4- Apocolyptic stitching that looks good, but has a very weak heart. 9/11 (2002): 8- Laid out on film it's hard to watch. 102 Minutes that Changed America (2008): 8.5- Laid out on film it's harder to watch it again. 10,000 BC (2008): 1.5- Epically stupid.

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